Fair division of finances

[Somerlee76]

I’m (F49) separated from husband (M48). Married 22 years together 24. Four children 20,15,14,13.
Ex h has always been employed as on oil rig worker. 2 years ago he got a huge promotion that involved working abroad for a year all expenses paid. The contract was extended for another 2 years so he was supposed to be away 4 years but would visit as much as possible and we would spend all half terms/summer holidays with him. His salary is very high (Over £200k). He has a fantastic pension and roughly £50k in stocks from his workplace.
As he has always been away for periods of time (oil rig originally which was 3 weeks on three weeks off) he and I both agreed that I would get a job in a school as a support worker so I would always be home when the children were. I love what I do but the pay is terrible and I don’t have a lot of money in my pension.
Fast forward to now. He has decided to stay abroad. He is living in a company property which is rent free and all bills paid. His company will provide this to him for as long as he works for them. He says that as it is only a two bedroom apartment he won’t be able to have our children visit him as it’s too small. He proposes visiting the children and staying in a hotel a few times a year to see them (but not actually ever having them overnight). He suggested 3 visits of probably 5 days duration.
He and I own a house. He does not want to sell as our mortgage payments are low. He has also proposed paying the mortgage and allowing me to stay as long as I want. When I want to sell he would take 20% of the proceeds and I would get 80% which I think is fair. This is something that financially wouldn’t be a stretch at all for him.
I don’t know quite what to do- I worry about not having much pension. I wouldn’t be able to buy anything around here on my own and would really struggle to rent anything big enough for my children.
I am also really angry about his lack of interest in his children. He doesn’t call them unless I remind him but I feel like this is not my job anymore to remind him as we are separated.
Just looking for some advice and thoughts- I am not sleeping at night for all the worry.

Upon divorce you can insist upon pension sharing. Personally I'd divorce and insist on 50/50 for everything. You'd get half of his pension and investments. He'd have to pay you maintenance for DC under 18 and if others in education he'd have to pay them directly. You are allowed to have a say in your future. You don't have to let him dictate terms.

You need the advice of a good solicitor. Don't let him try and persuade you his idea is in your interests.

You need to see a solicitor who is familiar with a non UK resident party. I would push for a divorce and financial settlement as soon as possible with all assets/savings/pensions etc taken into account as they are now. You don’t know what the future holds, it’s best to deal with the situation as it is now. It won’t be straightforward if he decides to mess around, being non resident puts him out of reach is some respects.

I would push everything through now and move on. You’ll be in limbo otherwise - he could change his tune at any time of what he will/won’t pay. I bet as soon as your youngest his 18, he’ll want the house sold and he won’t have to pay any child maintenance after that either.
Currently, you’d get at least 50/50 of all assets (maybe more as he’s a high earner and you’re not plus you have 3 dependents 90% of the time).
My friend divorced last year, their income levels were similar to yours. She got 70/30 of all assets and he has to pay a lot of child maintenance on top.

I think you need to careful just accepting his offer. He has rent free accommodation now but that’s only as long as he’s employed by them - which could change in a heartbeat.

You may or not be entitled to More than 50% of assets- no one here knows.

What’s relevant will be the assets available to split, their actual £, and your needs. If needs can be met on 50:50 that may well be what would be ordered. You’ll be entitled to around 3k a month cms too

yiu need to see a solicitor and get valuations of house and pension to start to understand what’s fair.

one thing that is not guaranteed is his job, housing and income

I was a SAHM when I filled for divorce. He earned all the money. I made my requests. He eventually capitulated and I got everything I asked for.

It's not for the big man to decide. You come to an agreement between you with solicitor's input then a judge signs it off or doesn't.

Every woman needs to stop fulfilling the narrative that the man decides.