Hi, last week my FIL passed a way after long illness due to multiple strokes. I was very close to him fur nearly 30 years but did not see him much in his final year as had separated from husband and felt too emotional. Did nt want to upset him. Anyway ex called me in tears to tell me. I was at work, in shock I immediately message my friends to tell them as I do with everything but they all started messaging him condolences. Understandably this has upset him right at his most vulnerable. I shouldn’t have done it. I apologised and said it was really thoughtless and reactionary of me and I still want to support him. He was very angry and said he has felt cancelled so it was particularly galling to get messages from people who have ignored him and that it’s not my new to tell which of course is completely correct. He accused me of having secret what’s app groups with my friends. I dont have secret groups. People have probably come to my rescue more as I moved out of the family home and was in a terrible state for months, he also has not sorted anything out leaving me in a really difficult financial situation ( I have a good job and just got a promotion but rent is extortionate). Also he has not accepted invitations (including from me) nor made any effort with people.
My concern is that now he is stonewalling me about his dad’s funeral and I think he is leaving me out of it all. Despite everything, I have made an effort to be friendly because of our sons. I know this is totally up to him, he is grieving and I have no rights. But I loved his dad and I am so sad not to pay respects. I did make a terrible mistake, but I don’t think I deserve to be completely shut off from everything. Do you think I just need to accept this? Not that I will do anything but it’s hard to imagine how to move on from it. Before the separation I saw his dad in hospital multiple times a week.