Recently separated from H and he stayed in the family home. I’ve moved into a lovely house a couple of miles away, H kept all furniture and I bought all new, it’s beautiful but I’m mourning the family home terribly. I’m feeling intense grief that I made a terrible mistake and we should all have stayed together as a family. Every day I torture myself, made worse by how H says I destroyed our lives and “you’ve done this” when he sees me upset. I left due to his behaviour. He says “no one will ever love me like he does”
Everyday I have cried and been physically sick, I can’t eat and I feel physical pain at what I’ve lost.
Thinking about the old family home is intensely painful, my house is beautiful but it’s not the home that my children have known for their whole lives. I know in time I will create new memories but now everything is so raw. I’m very frightened for the future.
I feel like I didn’t know what I had until it was gone but I did have very good reasons for ending it. I’ve even considered begging my H to have me back! Or requesting a trial separation.
When does it feel better? I feel like my home will never feel like a proper home for my children and will always come second.