How to tell your husband you want out of the marriage

[Annon2]

Hi, just as the title says really, i’m feeling so lost and overwhelmed.

We haven’t been overly happy for the last 2 years, lots of talks on how we can make it better. Mostly him not happy with my lack of affection & intimacy. He doesn’t know that i am not physically attracted to him anymore but he does question me and say that he doesn’t think i like him like that anymore. Which is awful & i feel like a total bitch so i deny that is the case and instead bring up why i think i have totally disconnected with him. Which is basically me saying you don’t even converse with me or take any interest in my life. I am a stay at home mum and it’s becoming unbearably suffocating like i have no control over my life. I am digressing massively here but my point is, i told him last week im not happy anymore and he basically said that our problem is an easy fix we need to stop being stubborn and just be more intimate with eachother. Which is not helpful at all, i did say at the time it’s not that simple and he just said he really thinks it is.

Has anyone got any advice on the best way to ask for either a trial separation or to initiate a split with the least amount of hurt caused?

I daydream about us being able to still be amicable for the kids and be in each others lives for birthdays and christmas celebrations just as friends for the kids sake. has anyone successfully done this? i feel like there’s not many positive stories and maybe im romanticising he won’t hate me for destroying our lives.

If being a SAHP isn’t working for you, how about going back to work? As you’ll need to anyway, I would have thought it’d be worth a try. Might get you back to a working relationship again.

yes i did think this could be my first step, but i know deep down i dont see him in the romantic way anymore and any intimacy is really forced out of me being made to feel guilty for how long its been. sorry TMI

I think you've just got to bite the bullet and be straight with him. If you 100% know that there's no chance of you being physically attracted to your dh anymore then it's kinder for everyone if you end things.

I’m having same dilemma OP. Marriage of over 20 years is falling apart, we both know it but we’re in a stage of just being very polite to each other. He doesn’t want me to leave because it’ll be harder for him if I do. I don’t want any conflict, I can’t bear it and have spent our marriage hiding away from it, placating him, treading on egg shells at times.

so how to you actually say that’s it. I don’t know.

I am in the same boat. My husband seems to think sex is the answer to all of our problems but I don’t fancy him at all and actually in my case I find him revolting and I spend my time around him just being irritated.

it’s such a hard decision to make but if you know he will just keep on pestering you - and you’ll dread wedding anniversaries and Valentine’s Day coming around - then it is the right thing to do.