I’m not sure if this is the right forum but I am in desperate need of some advice. This is a bit of a doozy.
I am a kiwi that has lived in the UK since 2019. I met my British partner and we had a baby last year.
Whilst I absolutely love and adore being a mum, our relationship has been absolutely decimated. We have fought constantly pretty much since week 2 of having the baby. It’s been the best year and by far the worst year at the same time.
I had a c-section so had that recovery to deal with as well as pretty bad baby blues. He was very uncaring and unsupportive during that time. I was told that my “bad mood” was bringing him down. I booked the registration appointment for the week after I gave birth and accidentally mixed up the days, and ended up arriving at the appointment for them to say I was meant to come the day prior. Instead of my partner understanding that I’d made a mistake in a very fragile time of sleep deprivation and major surgery recovery, he said to me “how the fuck did you get that wrong” because he was tired and hot from carrying the baby 150m up the road.
He told me things like he would happily give me custody of the baby and then reconnect with him when the baby is 18 because our newborn “annoyed him.” Our baby is now 12 months old and to this day my partner has not once gotten the baby up in the morning or offered to do so for me to have a lie in. He took the baby out by himself for the first time 2 weeks ago. He will happily sit on the couch on his phone while I am cooking every single meal all 3 of us eat, feeding the baby, cleaning up, getting the baby ready for bed, and doing bedtime. He told me that he is not doing anything at night during the week as he needs to work. He has chosen to play video games when I’ve been in our room with our screaming baby on my own - and has then gotten mad at me for asking for some help as that was interrupting his me time.
We have had the most horrendous arguments (never physical) that escalate into me sobbing and sobbing by myself while he sits on the couch on his phone. He rolls his eyes and tuts when I cry and has told me before it annoys him when I get upset. I just don’t know what to do. He told me my looks have deteriorated and also told me my nipples during pregnancy gave him the ick and then tries to tell me it’s a joke, and gets angry at me for not being able to take a joke when I say it hurt my feelings.
I’ve recently expressed to him how deeply unhappy I am here in the UK being away from my family. He absolutely refuses to even contemplate moving to New Zealand and also doesn’t want us going every year as it’s “a lot to ask of him.” We aren’t married and he won’t let me take our baby home by myself for Christmas this year as he thinks it’s too much for the baby.
I am just at a complete loss and feeling very much like I’ve ruined my life. It’s of course not all bad and he is a bit better these days, however I have sooooo much anger and resentment built up that I’m finding it harder and harder to make sacrifices for my family when I feel I’m the only doing so. I’m finding myself less and less in love with him as each day progresses.
Just wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and got through it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.