Hi, you might remember me from a few of my posts recently about my relationship.
i have been asking him daily for reassurance whether he loves me, wants to be with me and the answer was always yes yes yes. Anyway, last week i asked him again if wanted this relationship and he replied “no I don’t at the minute”. This left me distraught as my worst fear is losing him. I love him so much and i wanted to work through our troubles, hense me asking him all the time if he loves me etc. he listed reasons why he didn’t want me anymore, saying I micro manage him, he’s been unhappy for along time, thinks too much has been said and done over the course of the relationship. I replied giving solutions to them all, we have had an extremely stressful few years. We have had money struggles because of my low maternity wage but I am back at work tomorrow so money will be coming in again. He doesn’t seem willing to talk to me about ways we can try to save our relationship, keeps saying he is numb towards it and doesn’t know what he wants. I stayed in the house with him hoping things would change and he would want to make this work. It’s like he doesn’t actually know what he wants, or at least he doesn’t want me but wants no one else to have me. I ask him what he wants and he’ll say either I don’t know what I want or he’ll say I don’t want this relationship at the minute and want to split up. Then in the next breath he’s saying we’ll see how we get on or I just need time. It crucifies me hearing he doesn’t want me anymore everytime he says it and I asked him again a few days ago, where one again he said he didn’t so I said fair enough. I’m not going to beg and I took my wedding ring off and started looking at ways to move out, looking at rental properties etc. I spoke to him the following morning about a few trips we have coming up such as a city break for his birthday next week I had booked for his birthday present and our upcoming honeymoon holiday in the Caribbean. I told him I was thinking of cancelling the city break trip as I would receive back £200 if I was to cancel now but if I left it any later, I would lose everything and it’s not appropriate for us to still go considering you don’t want to be with me. He agreed. I then spoke about the honeymoon saying if we cancel in the next week, we will only lose our deposit but if we leave it later then we would lose a lot of the money we had paid for it. He agreed so I went ahead and cancelled. All day after that he was making comments about how he always had rubbish birthdays and this year will be the same now the city break trip had been cancelled. He kept asking if I had cancelled it and I told him yes, we spoke about it and he agreed for me to cancel. The next day I moved into my mums house temporarily until I can find a rental. I have enquired in a few, just waiting on viewings. Since I left, he has barely spoken to me. He has been going out all the time drinking with his friends as I have seen from the doorbell fottage. It looks like he is distracting himself whilst I am at my mums with our children. He’s barely asked about them but today is the day they go to him for a few days and I am dreading it. He is an avoidant type and seems to avoid all relationship talk by giving 1 word replies and seems very shut off and numb as he says. Will he realise what he’s lost? It seems like he’s enjoying the bachelor life style atm but that doesn’t last forever. He’s off this week on annual leave but I feel like when he returns to work next week, maybe things might start settling. Every time he asks if I’m ok I’ll say no and he will say he’s not either yet he caused this. All I wanted to was to discuss our difficulties and work through them together but he doesn’t seem to want that. I don’t know what to do but I am heart broken. He is just giving mixed messages all the time.he spoke to my mum yesterday and said to her he’s unsure what he wants. How long will the single life last before it becomes boring for him and he wants his family unit back? How long does it take for a free house to come empty and cold without his children and me there all the time? I’m so sad about it because I really want this to work and I genuinely thought he was my happily ever after. Is he going though a midlife crisis. He seems so emotionally switched off but I think he’s using distractions to switch off and pretend to cope. He shows glimpses of regret sometimes when he’s asking about my plans to move out, then asking so your over it then? I didn’t think you’d be over it so quickly etc.