Breakup while pregnant?

[SharpLion]

Wondering if anyone has been in the same situation.

Currently pregnant and had the huge realisation that my bf and I are just not right for each other.

For me our relationship slow burn over about a year and a half, the last few months being great. For him it was apparently love at first sight. Ive been through so much i think i just wanted this to work because finally id met a good man. We both wanted kids and probably rushed it considering our ages (me 40 him 47).

About a week after finding out, I felt debilitating anxiety and now 11 weeks im also very depressed. Stressed about the relationship, how we'll coparent if we break up (hes from another country). It's a mess and Im scared.

Anyone been through anything similar? Should I stick it out for a while to see if it improves. Or just at least to get through the pregnany. Help.

I think your hormones will be all over the place so might be affecting how you feel. Is he likely to return to his country? Is he from a culture that might insist the child lives with him?

I also figure it could be my hormones. But it feels like more of a deep knowing. I can sense our misalignment. Not in values or anything like that. Just us as people.

No he's not, the baby will be able to live with me. I'm just scared imagining the nightmare of coparenting between countries. Id feel so guilty for getting pregnant then breaking up. Robbing him of the family life he signed up for.

You can’t stay with someone because you feel guilty. Life is too short. I would give it a bit longer to see if it is your hormones but if you still feel the same there is no point prolonging the agony. If he decides to return to his home country then he will be less involved in his child’s life. He needs to decide what he wants. You need to concentrate on yourself and what you want.

You're right. So hard to put a good person through a shit situation. But I guess its the kinder thing to do in the long run.

He is still in his home country and I in mine. We were gonna split time. So it was always going to be challenging anyway. Urgh. Feels like I've made a mess of my life. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts x

I felt a huge sense of doom throughout my pregnancy. Side serving of guilt and shame. Felt certain something awful was going to happen. It was hormonal. I’m normally pretty chilled, not at all anxious. If your relationship was previously good and you feel he is a good man I would recommend talking this through with someone with training in antenatal anxiety/depression just to see if it could be that affecting how you feel.
There is an organisation called PANDAS you could try: https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/
Of course you have every right to end your relationship if it isn’t right for you, and I know it can be infuriating when people put real issues down to hormones so I totally apologise if that is the case, but with such a sudden change in your feelings following pregnancy I think it is worth considering before making any major life decisions. All best wishes.