So….this isn’t going to be a short story but will try and keep it precise and prompt.
me and my STBXH were together 11 years. Going through divorce now after he had started cheating on me 2 months after I fell pregnant. Pregnancy was it IVF but not just IVF it was ICSI which was more instrusive procedure.
So STBXH had been previously married, seperated from ex and we had got together. No crossover and certainly no affair!!!! He had had affairs in the past with his ex wife though!
Anyways lots going on in background, his ex had made complaints about us to work, had been saying things to his 2 children about us etc. it ultimately became an issue as she had a new relationship and put her partner first over her children and the children ended up moving in with us just as Covid hit in 2020.
skip to 2022 and my STBXH decided to have an affair with someone he worked with.
Obviously I had to go through the pregnancy trying to protect my unborn child but also try and keep the family together as I told him I always wanted my children to not have to go through what his 2 children did.
had son July 2023 but found messages between them in June, a month before giving birth talking about massages and breakfast in bed etc. again stupidly trying to keep everything together!
Postpartum colic son, 2 step children and still STBXH is carrying on the affair.
fast forward to December 2023 had Christmas, he stormed out Boxing Day, played rugby and came back and tried to enjoy it. Hated the questioning about her and him. Having couples counselling at the same time which he was constantly lying about.
January 2024 moved out, but kept in contact with me, pretending we were going to try and make things good and put things back together all the while living at his mums and meeting his AP in secret and having sex with her in car parks etc.
March he decided he was coming back to be a family, April I had a big birthday and so we had that and 2 days later he then decided to confess that whilst he had been away he had been meeting up with his AP having sex etc.
I asked him to leave and he was asking to come back and how he couldn’t imagine his life without me in it and stupid me I took him back. Then it was a constant back and forth, no commitment from him about coming back until early July, he decided that he was going to give the marriage a go. Week before our sons 1st birthday he decided to tell me that I didn’t make him happy, he didn’t want to be with me and missed the AP so I said I was done.
went no contact, 2 weeks later filed for divorce because he had continued his relationship with her.
fast forward to end of 2024, October I said I didn’t want to continue the divorce and he was like how can we come back from what happened, it was my fault, I was this horrible person made him unhappy etc. and just didn’t acknowledge when I said could we make it work. He had told me he wasn’t intending on being in a relationship with her he had told us that he had to go away with work and he came back and we chatted about work etc and then I was sent a photo on Instagram of his AP And her family away and there was my STBXH in the very edge of said picture.
fast forward then knowing that he was with her their relationship was made public, she met the 2 stepchildren, his mother (before Christmas) and just almost replaced her in my spot.
since then I have had conversations whereby I have asked to be respected as my sons mother which has been ignored, been told that what happened must have been partly my fault as apparently my STBXH was besotted with me. He has moved stepson to live with him and is now mainly living with his new partner.
the rant is is that he still makes me feel that all of this is my fault. I am still on terms with my MIL and SIL which he thinks is weird. I went no contact with him and he made contact with me to discuss sale of house, finances etc and then proceeded to tell me that if he had a magic wand, could turn back time blah blah. How he was a shit husband and he had everything yet when I ask him about asking me about our son and not the other two children he doesn’t listen and just ignores me!
I suppose I deep down feel guilty for this, I am now a single mum and he is almost living his best life and I have been replaced after 11years. Does the feeling of self blame and also not wanting or needing to be with him and have my old life back again and my family back again ever go away?! I suppose that’s what I want to know!
thank you