Is it inappropriate to visit your child in your ex’s house?

[YellowStarsintheSky]

Reposting from AIBU

Recently separated from DH and this week DS (teen) and ex have been on holiday abroad. Coming home tomorrow. It’s very early days in our separation and DS hasn’t stayed over at mine yet (he needs very careful handling and things need to move slowly) I’ve only just moved in. Tomorrow I was looking forward to seeing DS in the marital home to chat about the holiday and spend time with him for a bit. Now ex is saying he is not comfortable about me coming up and will wait in the car outside my place while DS says hello. I just know DS will be desperate to get back home and I’ll only see him for 5 minutes max. I’m gutted 😭 Am I being naive about sitting in the old marital home (now ex’s) and having a cup of tea/chat to DS?

I was the one to move out but it’ll take DS a long time to get used to coming to me (he’s on the spectrum) Ex just wants to pick up our youngest who I’ve had all week and just go meaning I won’t see DS at all 😔

Am I naive? Is it the case of not having any access to your old home after you leave? Even if it is the only way of seeing your child after 6 days? I will see him Saturday in the day but I’m gutted. I also have a lot of my stuff still there which I was hoping to take and my plants are probably dying of thirst by now!

Is it inappropriate to spend time with DS in the house after 6 days? I was only going to stay for a short while to find out about his holiday. I’m so upset 😭

Well it depends who owns the house. If you still jointly own it you have every right to go round. If your ex owns/rents the house alone then he has a right to not want you there.

It’s a rented house and my name is now off the tenancy.

Its not about inappropriate or not, but I guess now its your H’s home he gets to say who comes in. Obviously the mature thing would be to talk and spend time wherever is convenient for you both and the DCs but it may take some time for him to get to that place.

I’ll be honest I was furious with my XH for a good few months after he left, but we now happily spend time together with the DCs and I even popped in for a cup of tea the other day on my own!

Just give it time and you will work it out. Tbh your DS may well be tired and grumpy from travelling so maybe best to see him later anyway when he can tell you all about it.

your Dh is totally unreasonable. It’s such early days, of course you want to go in and chat. He should suck it up !

I lived with my ex for 2 yrs after separation, then he moved in with me nice sold fmh and bought new house while his purchase was going thorough. Now he comes in for a coffee and vice versa.

I get that your ex wants space and to set boundaries but having you in for a hour he just needs to put up and shut up at thisv early stage

I think given your sons additional needs you are not being unreasonable. But - as someone who was once in a similar situation I would have hated dh coming in after we’d split up. I wanted the home to feel like my own and didn’t want to have to see him - especially not in my house and normally that doesn’t have to mean less contact with the dc.