What is child maintenance supposed to be for?

[Oursummerisoveralready]

not sure if this is the right thread but wanted to know what child maintenance is supposed to be for. My exh pays around £400 a month for 2 dc. He has told them he pays me this and that if they need money (they are teens so always need money) then this should be used as is enough for everything they need.
So my 14 year old has asked me what i spend it on and can she have her half.

They think they are hard done by because they need to earn their extra money (cleaning and chores at home or get a part time job around school etc) they don’t think they should help or have to work because their dad pays me and that they should have that.
I work part time but earn very well and have no money worries but I also don’t think they should get the maintenance.

It’s for maintaining them, in very literal terms. You can do what you want with it but the concept it to cover living costs. So a contribution towards their housing, utilities, food, clothing etc. If they want it, then I suggest you charge them rent 😊

Home costs for their share like utilities, mobile bills, food: give her half then charge her that back in rent or lay out what a house costs. She’s old enough to understand

If their father contributes £400 and you add a further £400 to the pot, that’s £800 per month to cover their food, clothes, activities, travel, utilities, rent/mortgage (as you need a bigger place to house them than you would do if you were living alone).
£800 definitely doesn’t cover all of that!

show your kids the answers to this thread to help their understanding. Looks like their father also needs some help understanding just how little his £400 buys.

Perhaps you should write a list of exactly what they are costing you every month.

Tell them if they moved out right now could they survive paying worry single bill with that money.
The answer is no, that's where the money goes. Tell them if anything the money their father gives doesn't even touch the sides so if anyone's handing over cash its him

Why would your 14 yr old think she should have half? Surely she’s aware by 14 that her bedroom, share of utilities, food, extra curricular is way more than £200 per month?

To maintain them, keep them going in food, water, clothes, shoes, maintaining all the above so washing clothes, washing them.
I guess somewhere to sleep is important too so bed, bedding, roof over their head.

Luxuries, phones, birthdays, Christmas, holidays.

I’d do the maths and ask her exactly how far she thinks his contribution goes. Working on £400 a month her father thinks £6.50 a day goes a very long way.

Show dd this thread. Ask her to do a meal plan and also a budget for the meals for a week. Ask her to cook 2 of those meals. And accompany you on the food shop.

show her £6.50 per day. Ask how far it all goes, when we haven't yet pays for gas, electric, mortgage, any clothes or parties or special bits.

Child maintained is literally the minimum amount to pay towards the basics of raising a child, tell your ex if he wants to feel like he’s giving an allowance it will need to be paid to them directly and on top.

That £6.50 is for both kids so it's only £3.25 per child per day. Working out how much everything costs regarding the kids and seeing if double the man's contribution, (in this case £800 per month) covers it is actually a great exercise for anyone who is receiving money from an ex

It’s literally child maintenance- rent/mortgage, council tax, water, electricity, food, transport, clothes, holidays (if possible) . £400 won’t cover it. Write down the figures for the 14 year old to understand.

£200 a month (her half) probably barely covers her food, let alone her share of utility bills, family internet and entertainment subscriptions and transport costs even if you don't have rent or mortgage...

When my children finish education (I have both teen and adult children) they pay us 250€ per month board and are aware this covers very little of the actual cost of rent plus bills (utilities and entertainment subscriptions like family Spotify, Netflix, Amazon prime which they all use and internet plus insurances like home insurance, car insurance whether it's older teen with use of the car or younger teenagers reliant on lifts) plus food. When my eldest moved out to live nearer work she was at least somewhat prepared for the concept 800€ a month rent plus paying her own bills etc. etc. because we'd started talking about it early (and we gave her the rental deposit as a present which was more than she'd actually paid us in total as board).

Do a breakdown of costs for her - not because you have to explain or justify but because she's being shockingly naive if she genuinely doesn't understand that £200 a month per person goes nowhere near covering 50% of the cost of her accommodation, bills and food.

Shockingly shit from her father.
He should be embarrassed that he clearly also doesn’t know what it’s for! And the support is yours and of course not pocket money for them. He can pay them an allowance if he wants, sounds like a good idea. £3.50 per day for his children. I will be elated the day (if) the CMS is overhauled. It’s the biggest modern scandal affecting women imo; not the point of your thread I know, and worse, many would say ‘wow 400 a month’!

If he was a decent man and father, he would be supporting you, supporting his girls, explaining what the money is for, giving them an allowance and teaching them about money, value, and the worth of parenting, and the worth of women. sounds like he does none of those. If my dd was old enough I’d be teaching her about rhe history of women’s rights, the CMS service, why we have that service and child maintenance payments and the fairness that this system seeks but doesn’t actually obtain. Don’t let her marry a man who has the same traits and ignorance as her father! X

I put most into her savings (towards driving lessons/uni/school trips etc), the rest (minimal) goes towards bills. In my case £180 a month doesn't go far. If you can afford it, I'd let her have half or save it for her future.

Both your ex and your DD seem to assume the basics of life are your responsibility and anything from him is a bit of bonus fun money. Lots of men like that. He sounds like a resentful knob and looks like it will be difficult when they get to 18 and he assumes he’s done his bit.

So my 14 year old has asked me what i spend it on and can she have her half

She wants her £200 pm? Id be deeply disappointed at her attitude and shocked at her poor grasp of cost of living and understanding of money.

At 14 I'd sit her down and give her a calm but harsh maths lesson.
I'd beeak it down and show her actual numbers
her food bill alone is probably £200pm.
Then there is her mobile clothes, her electric heating water and her share of mortgage or rent of x (eg for a 3 bed it is 3k pm vs a 1 bed which would be 1k so each child costs 1k pm)
Then explain that excludes: travel,gifts, clothes, holidays, makeup and anything outside the house

I'd show her the money you left with at the end of the month then explain your exhs salary and how much her loser deadbeat dad has. So if she wants more cash talk to him.

CMS is a fucking scandal.

If she wants half give her the £100 for the month but out of that she needs to pay the rent for her room, food, phone, make up, toiletries. 1/3 of gas water electric council tax, tv licence, tv subscriptions. She needs to pay petrol anytime you take her anywhere. See how long her £100 lasts then. Write it all down for her

It is to 'maintain' the child. ie:pay for

the roof over their head
utilities they need like water and power
their food
their clothes
their shoes
their needs in terms of schooling - books, trips etc
if there is anything left over then maybe a hobby or toys, bike, computer etc.

Set your dcs a holiday challenge. Give them each a spreadsheet with 200.00 in the top cell. then each time they use or eat or buy anything, get them to add it to the spreadsheet and deduct the amount.

Get them to choose the food for each meal, with their budget in mind.
Remind them, on days out, what they have left, and then see if they want coke or ice creams. I imagine they will run out on day 12 or 13.

No you shouldn't give them the maintenance. You wouldn't be doing them any favours. Of course they should help.

I had this with my kids and their father. I sat down with them with paper and pen and showed them all the workings out. I was getting half what you are but kids were being told I was getting enough for everything and more! They still have shit attitudes to money thanks to their father but I did my best to explain.

It's a very good opportunity to start talking to her, in a non confrontational way, about costs of living.

My STBX has told me that I have to pay for my housing, internet etc anyway so he doesn’t see why he needs to contribute to those things 🙄

There is no legal answer to your question, it's just an amount that has to be paid. You could spend it all on botox & nails, or spend five times as much on your children, and nothing could stop either approach (short of actual child neglect).

Child maintenance is paid to the resident parent to defray the expenses incurred by that parent in raising the child.

When I was made redundant a while ago I cut back on a lot of things temporarily including my DC’s private music lessons. In a phone call to DD my ex apparently was outraged at this saying that he paid maintenance and that her private lessons and activities should continue as the maintenance was for her. I was very proud of my DD when she told me she had replied that the money was being spent on food and bills as a priority.

Sometimes I forget what a cunt he is and this is a useful reminder that in my hour of need, rather than stepping up to ensure we were OK all he wanted to do was criticise the way I was handling what at the time felt like an existential challenge.

Explain that £200 per month per child is £6.50 per day as pp’s have advised and it’s a contribution towards the cost of housing them, feeding them, clothing them. As above make a list of all bills, rent, utilities, groceries, petrol, phones, etc as well as anything extra the kids do (sports, music, drama, Guides/Scouts etc) What do they do for lunch at school, do they buy it at school or take a packed one and what’s the cost either way? What clothes and uniform have been bought for them. Have they had any school trips?

CMS is an utter disgrace. It enables resentful and pathetic men to pay an absolute minimum and then hide behind it and make out the daily parent is money-grabbing and entitled. I had to laugh out loud when CMS allowed my ex to pay his arrears off at a tiny amount that meant it would take eight years (!!) to pay off - I’ll just not buy her shoes or food for eight years then will I…and inflation means it won’t be worth then what it is now anyways.

It really does make my blood boil. Anyways, to answer the question - everything. Shoes, shampoo, head lice lotion, mortgage/rent, bedding, school uniform, food, electricity, travel, hair bobbles, mobile phones, sanitary wear, furniture, pens, winter coats, summer clothes, sun tan lotion, heating, cleaning products…the list is exhausting and his negligible amount does not cover it at all.

You truly should educate your children on this matter.