Sister in contact who took exes side

[Madtulip]

Hi alp
recovering from long bitter divorce. Am finding I cannot reach out to friends / family much on it anymore as I feel I’ve leaned too much and need to move on. Hence I find mumsnet advice comforting and helpful. Latest one is my 60 year old big sister - she was a teenager when I was little .. always bossy when around but we had a good relationship. Up until my split with ex. She interfered constantly - she met him behind my back, marched me to a solicitor then said I was being emotionally abusive and parental alienating him and contacted my teenagers without permission on it so they told her to get lost etc. On five occasions I told her to stop. I wrote her a letter telling her to stop. Eventually my Mother and brothers did an intervention to tell her to stop. I never got an apology. Just an unsolicited text one day a year ago where she said “I have a clear conscience about what I did. I believe that you continuing to hold this against me is a sign that you are still in a bad place and need help “. I again requested no contact. Had a Birthday dinner night 8 months with friends and she turned up uninvited on her way to something else . I was polite as I didn’t want to make a scene. So divorce finalised and I get a card in the post “ I understand that the past few years have probably been very challenging and painful. I do think of you and I hope you will continue to move forward - next chapter, new beginnings, fresh starts and hopefully great adventures “. The last few years of the marraige the divorce process everything was rotten. She was his flying monkey and she made me feel worse than even he did. I want to move on in a bright and better way. I am polite and distant to her at family functions. When I needed her most - not to attack him but to be quietly there - she attacked me. She was completely taken in my his outward charm and money - but I was behind all that. He did nothing himself. At one stage she texted me “ if you think I am going to believe that a man I’ve known for 20 plus years is cruel and vindictive I am going to challenge you on it “. I replied “I am your sister for 45 years and I have never treated you or yours with anything but love kindness and generosity. Please leave me alone “. And I blocked her. So many hurts. How do I let it go and should I ? I don’t want to be bitter.

I am so sorry your sister has been a shit. What you are doing already sounds perfect.

I would not do anything more than that unless you get a wholehearted apology from her for being so unsupportive and defamatory during an awful time in your life.

I'm so incredibly gutted for you. You just don't expect your own family, a sibling, to do something like that. I'd never be able to forget or forgive.

Thank you. I don’t think I’m able to cope with a relationship with her. I’ve become very distrustful of people since my divorce. So many were brillant but the few I really helped throughout my life like my sister , didn’t return the “love “. She hurt me more than he did.

I cut my sister off in similar circumstances and have never regretted it. She's not sorry. She sounds insufferable. What do you hope to gain by having contact with her?

Thank you. Time has moved on and I maintain a distant but polite at family events relationship with her. I have no contract with her outside of those. I’m not sad about it it’s better for me. She hurt me too much.

She awful. I wouldn’t talk to her again. She fell for his crap. She should have been loyal to you.

What an arrogant bitch she is.

Do not be afraid of making a scene to tell her she is not welcome in any sphere of your life.

It’s creepy how she aligned herself with your ex anc stuck her nose in with your dcs. Astonishing.

You would maybe feel better by taking control and going absolutely no contact with her ever again.

Protect yourself.

I’d keep things the way they currently are, you’re polite and distant at family gatherings, but that’s the extent of your relationship.

out of curiosity, is she in a relationship herself/had relationships? She sounds oblivious to other people’s feelings.

She's horrific and you are absolutely right to be NC with her. What a total wanker she is.

Sister legal eagle. Married 25 years 4 adult children. Not happy marraige - husband long term sickness. My ex dumped them soon after our split - no contact for years as ironically he didn’t like them much. So bitter lessons all round. I sometimes think she fancied h him but …

Do you mean she’s a solicitor?

And sorry but it’s amusing your ex dumped on her after divorce.

She’s so stupid. Perhaps she did fancy him. Silly cow.

Yes solicitor. Oh yes he dumped them and over the years has proved himself to be the asshole with his kids I said he was. So I’ve leant stay calm stay steady and watch the asses unravel they always do. I was desperate for people to believe me. Real friends family do immediately. The rest see it eventually and then feel bad. I never retaliated never got bitter just stayed steady and distant remained true to myself and never wavered from what I said he did and slowly … but I’ll never forgive her. I remember having to pull in to side of road in car one day when I saw the two of them talking in his car. She even talked to his solicitor brother about us - it was like drama drama like she was in LA Law. Oh yuck memories. I could never trust her again.

She was far too involved in your business back then and you're wise to keep your distance now.