I’m scared he’s going to apply for a school near him.

[Journey1234]

Divorcing after 20 years married 24 years together. Kids 17,14 and 10. The split has been hard on us all due to the massive change in dynamics. My ex put his foot down and told me he was going to have 50/50 with the kids 7 days with him 7 days with me. This killed me as I only feel like half a mum as when I’m not with them I have very little contact this is due to my son having autism and just doesn’t think about txting me back and my 10 year old daughter is on the phone to her friends spending time with her dad and his new girlfriend who he has been with since January and she seems very nice but it hurts me because I miss being a mum on those days!

I feel very very guilty for instance it was her last day at school on Friday and I wasn’t there. It makes me feel like I have failed them. My 17 year old lives with his dad (his choice due to more room) he has his job,girlfriend and car etc but I hardly see him. We do txt daily and I know he has his own life but I feel so guilty that I’m not in his life the way I used to be. I have ranted here but the whole point in my post was to say my ex has sold the marital house and is moving 30-45 minutes away from me.

My daughter is due to start comprehensive school next year and I’m worried sick that he is going to apply for a school where he lives meaning she will be taken away from her friends and I won’t be able to be present on picking her up as I work. At the moment my son and daughter get the bus after school to come home to me which isn’t a long journey. It’s probably worth mentioning that my son will still be in the comprehensive school that I want my daughter to go to for another year by the time she starts so it would be silly to have the kids in two different schools half an hour away. I feel like he’s taken away a massive say in the children’s lives because I don’t have money to fight him I don’t have a leg to stand on.

Sorry it’s such a stressful time for you OP. Pretty sure by law you jointly have a right to a say in major decisions like schooling (but I’m not certain). Have you discussed it with him? Maybe try to have a calm conversation about it ASAP, you might save yourself a lot of stress as he might not be thinking about it at all

Also, could you talk to him about how you feel? Maybe there’s a better solution like splitting the week, rather than week on/week off?

Thankyou for your reply: I have txt saying I want to discuss the school but he didn’t acknowledge it.

How is your relationship generally? I would follow up once more and if he ignores you again, apply yourself to suit your preference. Make a note of the deadline and check your application just before the deadline time to make sure it’s all still as you want it to be.

You talk about him “putting his foot down,” but you have just as much say.

I don’t understand how your ex can apply for a school without your consent? There’s nothing to stop you applying for a school without his consent either. You can apply for a special arrangements order through the courts to ensure you’re consulted and which school they will go to.

Also you don’t need money to go to court save for the initial application fee. You don’t need solicitors or barristers despite what people may tell you or think.

Great advice above. I'm currently having the problem with the primary school application and ex trying to do as he wants. But as people say, your ex can tr and put his foot down- but it's now time for you to put yours down. Your child will want to go where their friends and sibling go most likely (you need to talk to your child), so you have the kids on your side. So if it has to go to court their view will be listened to also. Dad is choosing to move, that is his choice. I think once dad moves the kids will get fed up doing that drive/bus everyday and not being able to go out with mates when dad isn't local. So they may naturally want to spend more time at yours. And their view would be listened to in court. So I would submit your own school application and do it with your child so they feel heard and listened to (attend the open evenings etc), check before the deadline as PP said and don't worry because you've tried to be a good coparent and raise the conversation. He ignored it. But stop letting him pick and choose everything. You are as much a parent as he is, he doesn't get the final say and get to ignore you. Work with your kids to create that team, and carry on building your life. Be creative with how you be there for those special days (last day of school- send her a special text or photo of a little set up you have for her when she gets back to yours to celebrate together. You can be creative with this quite cheaply, like a pamper night with cucumber, masks (home bargains or home made recipes can find online), nails, etc. Movie night with treats, pizza, pjs. Send a photo of a voucher you have made saying what you'll be doing together. It's thoughtful and quality time.)