I have been married just over two years, (together 4) I owned my home outright prior to marriage. He does not contribute financially to any of our finances- his name is not on the house, not on any bill, not on anything (he has always refused and pled poverty for a variety of reasons.) When I say I pay for everything I mean every single thing. Every bill, every food shop, holiday, every piece of clothing for our children, every cot, car seat, nappy, toy and so on has all been paid for by me.
I don’t know what assets he has, he’s always kept it quite vague. My husband lived with his parents prior to marriage on the family farm, so I don’t really know who owns what. If we divorced he would 100% return to live with them in their two bed house.
He leaves the house 2.30am each day, returns at 8am for half an hour to get changed and then leaves again until around 6.30pm.
We have a 21 month old and 6 week old.
Im at my wits end and have reached out to a solicitor for a consultation but am yet to hear back.
I have so many questions, my main ones around the children.
. What kind of visitation/ custody would he be likely to get?
. Does the fact he doesn’t own a home have any impact? Or the fact his parents home only has two bedrooms currently used by each of my in-laws.
. Would his working hours affect any custody decisions?
. Our youngest is only 6 weeks- what age would he likely be separated from me? (Currently exclusively breast feeding- I did with my eldest until 12 months)
I have a terrible relationship with my in-laws (long story) and the only reason I will remain married is if there’s a high risk the children would be forced to stay overnight with him at their home and the children would be exposed to their toxic family dynamic. They have form for being irresponsible- I have CCTV of my husband taking our eldest in fil’s car on his lap with no car seat, and in-laws don’t believe in the use of seatbelts for their other older grandchildren.
My other set of questions is regarding my home. I self built prior to our marriage and have no mortgage- is my home at risk? I would be happy not to make any claim on his assets (some land I think he owns) if he left the home alone, but would a judge give him a share so he could buy his own property to house the children?
Lastly- has anyone been through divorce with very young children? If so how did you cope with the guilt? My life would 100% be easier divorced, but I’m worried how selfish I’m being and the long term affect on them. I feel if I stay married I have a level of control over their upbringing and what/who they’re exposed to, but if I’m divorced I can’t stop him or his family from exposing them to their toxic and damaging environment.
Any advice greatly appreciated.