Struggling right now

[Size40Shoes]

So I applied for divorce end of June. Conditional Order can be applied for in November.

Since then we have managed to sort out finances, he has found a property to buy. He has applied for his mortgage, I have applied to take over the joint mortgage on this place.

His is going through usual motions of purchase. I am waiting to hear if I am going to have to pay off a chunk (will be bank of Mum and Dad - fortunate they can help) or whether I can take it as it is or whether I am going to have to completely re-mortgage and accept a 13k early repayment charge if the amount that needs paying off is over 20k. It is STRESSING ME OUT not knowing about the mortgage and every time I call them (underwriting should have been done by yesterday) they cannot tell me because they 'don't have access to the underwriting system'.

On top of that estranged h has started to leave the house in a tip, not cleaning up after himself (including leaving poo streaks down the toilet bowl), leaving his 'stuff' everywhere. He is 'turning up' in places that I am going that he would not normally and he has started with the emotional manipulation (suicide talk, etc).

We also have his son this weekend and for a week in the school holidays and 'h' has told me he is going to sleep in our old room with me (he is in the spare room) so his son does not find out. I have told him I will sleep downstairs if he does that, but WTF?

Although we are relatively amicable atm as I am biting my tongue hard he is asking me to help him to move/with his finances/etc after he does move property and I am just saying yes to keep the peace atm because he will be even more of a misery to live with otherwise.

Not sure what I wanted from this, other than to let off steam.

Thank you for listening.

That sounds really tough especially with you both being in the same house . Take one day at a time and tell him you will not be sharing a room with him under any circumstances and you will not have him dictating to you ! Tell the son you have a cold and don’t want to spread your germs therefore you are in separate rooms. He will have to know eventually though . Ignore the suicide talk completely, just literally don’t answer him. With regard to the mortgage tell them you need an answer within say 7 days . Good luck , things seem crap now but hopefully won’t be long before he is gone and you can look forward x

Can't really demand an answer from a lender. They'll just tell me it'll happen when it happens.

I just have to try and keep away from ex until it's done.

Taken a deep breath and feel better today. I don't have the mortgage answer, but there is nothing I can do about it and worst case scenario I can always apply to another lender. They will charge the the 13k early repayment charge for moving, but what can you do?

Ex is still being his self in relation to tidiness/cleanliness. Just need to try and remember this is short term pain for long term gain.

Sorry you are going through this. Can you make an overpayment now, to reduce the early repayment charge later? It will be a percentage, so if you are allowed to (and able to) pay a lump sum now it might help some. Perhaps you've already thought of this but it wasn't clear from your post. Good luck.

Unfortunately they won't help right now sadly. It'll all come out in the wash, I am sure.

Quick update for everyone that kindly tried to help talk me down from the ceiling. Mortgage offered last week - so I should get that shortly. Exes mortgage has been agreed subject to valuation on his new place. We have had the financials through and signed and dated them and the solicitor says basically to just get on with it whilst the divorce is going through - BUT keep email evidence.

And today found out after one month of separation that he's got a new girlfriend and is moving her into the new flat he moves to from here.