Stuck in a rental with my ex — and she’s acting like a teenager in love

[SadBarney]

I’m stuck living with my wife (soon to be ex) in a rental, and I’ve been trying for the last 3 weeks to get the landlord to take her off the lease — no response yet. The tenancy ends in October, but things are getting harder by the day.

She’s been caught having an affair, and now she’s openly talking to this new guy around our 15-year-old daughter. The other day, my daughter asked her, “What kind of man talks to a married woman?” My wife replied, “A man that loves her with all his heart.” Seriously?

Our daughter is going into her GCSE year. I’ve begged her mum not to involve her in this mess. Let the poor girl at least come to terms with the fact her parents are separating before introducing a whole new relationship. But my ex seems over the moon, like she’s fallen into some teenage love bubble. It’s really peeing me off.

I’ve already submitted our consent order — we’ve agreed to 50/50 care — and I’m just hoping it’s signed off quickly. But now my ex is already planting things in our daughter’s head. I’ve kept it simple with her: “Mummy and daddy both love you. Mummy has a right to be happy. If talk about this new guy makes you feel uncomfortable, just tell her you don’t want to hear it.”

But now I find out my ex told our daughter: “He’s taller than your daddy, stronger, has bigger muscles — a real man’s man.” Then added, “Oh, and he just texted to say hello to you.”

I’m lying here fuming. After 22+ years of marriage, she’s acting like a 5-year-old. It’s like I’m watching her turn into a love-struck teenager with zero self-awareness. It’s just heartbreaking and frustrating — for me and especially for our daughter.

Nice story OP. “Mummy and Daddy” to a 15 year old?

i know someone actually living a similar nightmare.
it's extremely difficult and i would say hurtful to the point of nearly being emotional abuse.
either way it's really immature.
hopefully the changes to the lease happen soon enough and both of you can have some personal space.

Sounds like shes having a mid life crisis

So is your wife acting as a 5-year-old or as a teenager?

That's Chat GPT- the use of the long dash in the middle with the space either side gives it away.

Chat gpt bs

what's this chat GPT thing all about then, keeping reading on here that people suspect posts are chatgpt?? x

sorry, no idea why I put that x on the end of my last post! lol

using chat gpt to write my post as I talked to it and told it to write it out professionally. My English isn’t the best that’s the only reason. She’s acting like a teenager yes but it’s not easy at all. She said to my daughter that she doesn’t feel bad anymore, she’s glad it’s out in the open and we can all move on. In time daddy will forgive me hopefully if not that’s up to him. I honestly think it’s disgusting and sick that none of them can keep their hands off each other and I’ll never forgive her for this. It’s not only hurtful it’s evil. She’s moved on yet we as a family are still coming to terms with it. She’s told my daughter it’s been going on for a year and It just got serious. I’m trying to be strong. But boy oh boy it’s taking everything I have. She was supposed to my best friend.

Op, I'm going through similar with my ex husband, although we've been divorced for years - my youngest is 15 and is finding it really really difficult to like her dad right now. Same as your soon to be ex wife, he's all loved up and bringing our children into it. It's all he talks about. He wanted to introduce her to them etc etc. They've been seeing each other for around 2 months max!

Last week this meant my daughter didn't want to visit him on his 50/50 time. She stayed with me instead. This is the consequence of not considering how your actions impact your children.

I'd suggest having a frank chat with your wife, saying that her romantic relationship isn't something that can be talked about with your daughter like she was sharing with a mate. It makes her feel awkward and uncomfortable. Plus she really doesn't want to think about her mums sex life, regardless of the fact its not with her dad! The reason you are trying to talk with your ex about it is that it may impact on how much time your daughter wants to spend time with her when you are living separately.

I've also worked with both of my kids (eldest is 18) to have stock phrases that they use with their dad - "Dad, I don't want to know about your girlfriend", "Dad, can we talk about something else", and if he really isn't getting it "Dad, I don't want to know, I don't want to hear about your new relationship. I don't want to spend our time together talking about it."

Right now you want her to be as discrete as she can be. Do whatever the hell she wants on her childfree time, but when she's primary care giver, the focus is always on her and her wellbeing.

Can you also chase the landlord again? Call them and follow up with an email. Keep it professional but push the urgency.

I’m not disputing whether this is made up or not, but it’s quite normal for kids to keep mummy and daddy. I know some adults that still call their parents mummy & daddy. My kids are 21 and 17 and still call me Mama, and their dad, Dada. They never dropped it. I’m sure to their friends they will say mum & dad but nothing wrong with it if they want to use the same names as when they were young.

You don’t need to speak to your teen like she’s a baby.

Just reassure her that you understand it’s shit, you’re sorry she’s been put in this position, and that you are there to support her through this time.