Verbally abusive coparent

[Takingthemic]

In the last 6 months (as an example, been going on years) there has been at least 20 occasions where my co-parent (ex husband) has been verbally abusive. Normally just name calling such as calling me an arsehole, cnt, awful person, stupid, mental, adhorrent, fcking bum, odious, selfish f*ckup etc. You get the idea.
I normally just ignore but have lately been responding along the lines of “please do not be abusive. It is not acceptable to name call”.
I realise this is only minor stuff compared to what some people go through but am wondering where I stand. Am I best to ignore? Just keep repeating the phase above and log any incidences? At what stage is it more of an issue? The thought of having to deal with this for the next 10 years is pretty depressing. We’re divorced and have been separated for 3 years. All communication is via a court approved parenting app.

Is he calling you names in person or on the app you refer to? Does he say this in front of your child?

I am in a similar situation to you except the names aren’t quite as bad but he makes insulting and derogatory comments and digs about everything I do. Also it has been going on for more than ten years so you are right to be concerned about it going on and on!

I am at the stage where I am considering taking it further as I have had enough but it could make the situation even worse.

It is really stressful op. I hope you get some advice.

If he's abusing you via the app report it

Yes, all on the app!

Report to who?

It's a hard one, I am in a similar situation but now he has stopped the outright name calling and instead concoction ways I am an abusive mother and creates a false narrative of OFW.
I would call the police and log it. Have screenshots ready. I would also call Women's aid or a local DA charity. Mine at one point told me to go for a non-molestation order. However in my specific situation it wasn't beneficial.

I have no words of advice I am afraid but I’m going through the same thing 5 years down the line still and it is awful. Solicitors letter helped a bit but I’m afraid I’ll never be the same after the things I’ve been called and accused of 😔
Remember - yes people do go through “worse” but verbal abuse can leave scars. Sending hugs 💐

Hey, I was just wondering if I can go to a solicitor as a one-off to draft a similar letter, or does it need to be a solicitor that is dealing with child arrangements through courts, etc? I am going through something similar, and a letter sounds like a good idea.

(Sorry OP to post on your post, just very interested if this might be an option for me in this horrible situstion)

Hey no problem at all…yes you should be able to get a solicitor to draft a one-off letter. They will need to formally engage you as a client and they will want to take a full background etc but if you explain what is happening and that you want a letter to ex stating that they are engaged to support you in co-parenting matters and you expect to be spoken to with respect as the mother of the children…they will also be able to advise you on any other steps you might need able to take to stop/minimize the behaviour.
warning though- all this costs money per 6 minute unit 😔

Thank you. That's really good to know and ill look into it. Hope things get better for you and everyone else here having to go through this x

It’s looking likely that I’ll have to attend mediation with him in the near future, following an issue with our daughter. I’m not looking forward to that, and the thought of being face to face (he is insisting) makes me very nervous.

I know that feeling.

Sending lots of deep breaths and strength!