Hi,
I want to be honest and provide some backstory. My ex and I were together for 13 years, and out of those, we were married for 8 years.
During our marriage, my ex separated from me for three months. We briefly sought family counseling, leading to our current and final separation. She has asked for a divorce around 20 times and has threatened to take the children away if I don't comply with her decisions.
Though we weren't meant to be together, we are blessed with two amazing children. I acknowledge that I can be annoying and that part of the fault for the separation lies with me; I could have done better.
My ex felt that I was emotionally, mentally, and financially abusive to her. We can discuss the financial issues later, but regarding the emotional and mental aspects, I often made dark jokes that my ex took very seriously and found hurtful at times. I admit that I have a poor filter and sometimes speak without thinking, though I've tried to apologize and work on being more conscious of my words. However, I do have slip-ups. My ex also felt that I wasn’t supportive of her life choices. I made efforts to be there for her, watch the children, and support her in other ways. She would get upset if our oldest was loud while she was trying to concentrate on schoolwork, even though we had a quiet area in the apartment designated for that purpose. She often believed I guilted her if she left to take care of things, and I did, at times.
I did about 95% of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and taking the children's extracurricular activities, as well as arranging their medical appointments and schooling. When I made dinner, my ex would often eat without waiting for me and would sometimes expect me to take care of the children before I ate, which was frustrating.
My ex has a history of hitting me on the head, supports corporal punishment for our children, and has been verbally abusive, saying negative things to our children like calling them ungrateful. She would have moments of rage, yelling at the children or at me. It was acceptable for her to verbally and physically assault me in front of the children. Our oldest would shut down when my ex became upset, forcing them to come to me for comfort. There were also strict punishments from my ex, and it felt like we were never on the same page.
Financially, for over five years, I tried to work with my ex to create a budget. I communicated multiple times, using diagrams, spreadsheets, emails, and Word documents, and I even involved family to mediate the budget discussions. My ex was often upset, claiming she was contributing more than I was, even though I paid equal shares of household bills and for the children's extracurricular activities. While she made more money than I for several years, I contributed significantly to the household budget.
Before our marriage, I had some debt, which increased in the first year when I created additional debt to cover rent without informing my ex until it became a major issue by the year's end. I paid off some of that debt, set myself up with a debt management company, and advanced my career, which my ex was aware of. I always explained that if we worked on a budget, we could eventually splurge after fixing our debt and building savings. My ex was upset over not having a honeymoon or a house, among other things.
Throughout our separation, my ex believed I was cheating on her. She had trust issues and would suspect infidelity if I simply hugged or talked to someone. She manipulated me into cutting ties with family and friends.
Now, my ex has refused the custody schedule I proposed and has repeatedly declined to share her work schedule with me. Currently, we have the children from Monday to Wednesday and every other Sunday. I'm unsure if I should continue this arrangement. I would prefer to have the children on Saturday and want to stay involved with my oldest now that school is starting soon. I was thinking of a new schedule that includes Saturday, but I'm not sure if my ex will agree to let me have the children then. I’m uncertain about what to do next. I have till tonight to believe or maybe next Saturday to put my work schedule in. I have reached out to my ex in the past and twice this week regarding our work schedules. Limited or vague responses giving me no answer as of yet.
Any advice can give? I have dropped my attorney due to cost. Plan to file with the Court in a few weeks. The attorney I had said could be 90 days till things get moving with the Court after filing.