Telling children

[Lostman]

Hope you don't mind a man asking questions here, I'm separating from my partner and will be moving out of the family home. We have a 3 and 4.5 year old.

For the first few months at least all visits from me will be at the house (as where I'm staying isn't large enough to have them). We've worked a relatively good schedule which will include an overnight over a weekend once a fortnight where my ex will stay at a friends. The rest of it will be visits from me to the house and then leaving, maybe even after they've gone to bed.

Due to the fact they're staying in the home, and seeing me regularly which shouldn't be a million miles off what they see me now as I work full time most advice I've had is to keep it very simple 'I'm staying at Grandmas for a while' and then go into a gradual type situation of explaining what's happening. I will eventually rent somewhere probably by the end of this year, and then in a couple of years will sell the house and get my own.

The 4.5 year old is very aware, doesn't miss a trick type kid. I know he'll question why I have my own car now, and tbh I'm probably over thinking it. It would almost be easier if he was a bit younger, or a bit older as I feel I'd know more what to do in those situations. People say 'be honest' but really? I feel there's a balance to be struck here.

Just any advice./tips and things you'd have done differently if you've done similar.

Thanks in advance.

They are very young so the awkward stuff like why the relationship broke down will probably be when they are older.

My youngest was 5 when I split from ex. His primary concern was what his life would look like (he didn’t have to move house or school) so it wasn’t a big deal. My ex worked away during the week so he was used to mainly seeing dad at the weekend.

I would tell your kids that mummy and daddy don’t want to be married any more and want to live in different houses and live with the kids on different days. They will see you every eg Friday and Sunday (the older one may have some idea about days of the week) I would tell them that you’re living with grandma and tell them about the new house closer to the time when you know it’s going to happen. Telling them 6 months in advance is too abstract where as telling them once you have found somewhere is going to be more appropriate. If they are prone to anxiety, you don’t want them worrying about a house move that might happen in 6 months time.
My experience with my youngest was that questions arose closer to events. For example it didn’t occur to him to ask about his birthday where as when I told him that Daddy would pick him up after school on his birthday b then he was fine with that.