Change to contact agreement

SueEllen74 · 2025-07-10T15:17:30+00:00

Been separated from my ex for 6yrs which we have had an agreement on when he would have the kids. Now he has decided he wants shared care when he is home from offshore. Does anyone know where I stand on a legal front?

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 10/07/2025 16:27

Assuming you're not happy with what he's proposing he'd have to apply to court. How likely a court would agree with him would depend on a lot of factors not least how often he's offshore, how old the children are, how much time he's been spending with the children up to this point etc.

Do you know why he wants to change the agreement?

Original poster

SueEllen74 · 10/07/2025 19:41

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 10/07/2025 16:27

Assuming you're not happy with what he's proposing he'd have to apply to court. How likely a court would agree with him would depend on a lot of factors not least how often he's offshore, how old the children are, how much time he's been spending with the children up to this point etc.

Do you know why he wants to change the agreement?

50% split when he’s home

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Original poster

SueEllen74 · 10/07/2025 19:44

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 10/07/2025 16:27

Assuming you're not happy with what he's proposing he'd have to apply to court. How likely a court would agree with him would depend on a lot of factors not least how often he's offshore, how old the children are, how much time he's been spending with the children up to this point etc.

Do you know why he wants to change the agreement?

Says he wants more time with them although he’s never bothered for last 7yrs

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BookArt55 · 12/07/2025 21:00

What age are the children?
How long is dad away for work?
How long is dad home for?
What is the contact pattern at the moment, direct and indirect contact?
Without these answers it is very difficult to give an opinion really.

Summertime62 · 13/07/2025 08:13

How old are the children and what do they want?

snemrose · 13/07/2025 08:25

How old are the dc? Are they are of an age where he finds it easier/more enjoyable to have around? Not saying that is right but I have seen my exdp more willing to have dc now he is 11 and more independent etc and needs less ‘work’ 🙄 Or is he thinking about maintenance?

Original poster

SueEllen74 · 13/07/2025 18:41

BookArt55 · 12/07/2025 21:00

What age are the children?
How long is dad away for work?
How long is dad home for?
What is the contact pattern at the moment, direct and indirect contact?
Without these answers it is very difficult to give an opinion really.

They are 14 & 16, he works 4wks away 4wks home. Kids have only ever stayed at weekends and holidays when he’s home. When I’ve spoken with them about any changes to the current arrangement, they don’t seem bothered and I feel they are saying this to both of us as not to upset either of us!

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BookArt55 · 13/07/2025 18:46

So they are fairly self sufficient, good chance this is about maintenance.

I would go for a drive or sit down with them one at a time and ask them what they want. Say that you are happy to go wjth what they want, but if they want arrangements to stay as they are then you need to know so you can share that. Really the court would just ask the kids as their opinion counts. So they need to make a decision. Tough spot for them as it should be a bit more flexible at that age, but sounds like dad wants it 50/50 for finacial rather than building the relationship.

Original poster

SueEllen74 · 13/07/2025 21:14

BookArt55 · 13/07/2025 18:46

So they are fairly self sufficient, good chance this is about maintenance.

I would go for a drive or sit down with them one at a time and ask them what they want. Say that you are happy to go wjth what they want, but if they want arrangements to stay as they are then you need to know so you can share that. Really the court would just ask the kids as their opinion counts. So they need to make a decision. Tough spot for them as it should be a bit more flexible at that age, but sounds like dad wants it 50/50 for finacial rather than building the relationship.

Yeah I think you are spot on that this is financially driven on his behalf! I have had chats with them about changes, they are telling me that they don’t mind if any change happens or not, however their dad is telling me they are happy with his suggestion for when they would stay with him which makes me feel that they can’t tell him or don’t want to upset him. I have proposed extending their weekends with dad when he’s home which I’ve suggested to him however he’s still insisting he wants 50/50 when he’s home from work. I would hate for this to go to court and put kids through that process but don’t know that because this arrangement has been in place for 7yrs would go in my favour

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Original poster

SueEllen74 · 14/07/2025 14:30

snemrose · 13/07/2025 08:25

How old are the dc? Are they are of an age where he finds it easier/more enjoyable to have around? Not saying that is right but I have seen my exdp more willing to have dc now he is 11 and more independent etc and needs less ‘work’ 🙄 Or is he thinking about maintenance?

Edited

Definitely believe it’s because they are easier now and 100% it’s financial, just don’t want this to get dragged through the court, I’ve offered him more contact but that’s not what he’s wanting! I believe it’s a big upheaval moving back and forth every week for only when he’s home 😔

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