Ex being difficult about me seeing our child when he is in work

[Doolallyally]

Ex works long hours, he will be remaining in the family home and I’ll be living a few miles away. Ex has a bee in his bonnet about the fact that I’m claiming child benefit for our oldest. He now has an issue with me seeing DS when he’s in work (DS coming to me) He says I’m trying to deceive him and taking his son away from him by him being with me when he’s in work??

He was so reasonable in the beginning but the mask is now slipping. He knows he can use our son against me as our son loves the family home. He’s asked our son what it is that he wants but where does that leave me?

The agreement was 50/50 and obviously when one is working and the other off then DS would be with the other parent. Now he’s got an issue with me seeing DS when he’s working! WTF!

He says he’s old enough to sit in the house on his own after school until 8pm. (He’s 13) Yes he is occasionally but I’ll need to see him too. Hes being very difficult already and it gives me a bad feeling.

His plan is primary carer status so he will have the child benefit and £400 UC per month. He’s on £47,000. I’m on carers allowance for our youngest.

Well at 13 he is old enough to be on his own. Why do you need to see him?

I mean I think things sound fraught and if you only live a few miles away I’m not seeing the big issue in your son wandering round for a bit or whatever after school if your home and dad isn’t.

sounds like you Lori need to rethink what is best for your child caught up in this

Do you share 50:50 with the younger child? I assume not, as ordinarily it would be usual to claim CB for one child each if so.

Which address is he registered for with school, GP, etc? I assume your ex's, so it might be difficult for you to argue being primary carer when 50:50.

What does your son want? Does he want to stay at his dad's alone? (You only refer to "he", so unsure if father or son.)

Obviously it would make sense for him to be with you until 8pm, but if both of them want him at his dad's on "dad's time", at 13 he can probably choose unless a safeguarding concern. You seem to agree that he is ok to stay alone, but that YOU want to see him. Again, this is understandable.

Is your home busier or more chaotic due to your younger child's medical needs, which makes an empty house more appealing after school?

I wish you luck, you clearly want what you feel is best for your children in very difficult circumstances, but you write more of concern about yourself than your son. This is unlikely the case, but just be aware of how you may come across to decision makers like the Child Benefit office.

I'm a bit confused on your post?
have you actually got a child arrangement in place or is this just what you've organised between you?
If your ex is on £47k how on earth is he also claiming Universal credit? Any child benefit should be paid to the primary residence - so where is your Oldest registered address? I'm assuming the family home where your ex lives - so yes that's where child benefit should go.

It obvs depends on your child but at 13 yes I think he would be ok to stay at home until a parent comes home? Is it you insisting he comes to you or is your son asking to see you? At13 certainly your sons preferences should be taken into account.

What are the arrangements with the younger child and if it's different how does that impact things?

At 13 he is old enough to be at home after school, if he wants to see you of course that’s different but you can’t argue he NEEDS to be with you.

Who is the primary carer for oldest? If it is dad then yes he should get the child benefit.

There is something off in your numbers, if he is on £47k a year he’s not getting a UC top up as well.