what would you do?

[justtryingherbest]

i left my drunk, cheating ex in january and our son is due to go to school in september. we’d already chosen the school in jan before we split. he seems adamant he wants him to go to this school. but my issue is he sees the children once a week, i moved to be near to him but i dont have family around here. would you move schools and move back close to family? i dont want him to kick off at me but i dont want to live somewhere where i have no family, there are loads of reminders of him etc this feels like his stomping ground. he hurt me really bad and i just cant stand being here

the school my son has got into has just under 500 students now and the one im looking at him going to has around 80 in the whole school. its a really small village school and is one that myself and my sister went to

any advice?! hes been very manipulative with me in the past and knows i struggle with anxiety and i think he plays on it

Do you have 50/50 custody.

If you have the children more and he argues that he couldn’t do more because of his job etc then you would be reasonable to say you need to move. If he has the children 50% of the time and is making sacrifices with work so he can have his child I would think twice.

How far would you be moving away from his Dad?

I would move closer to your support network personally.
Could you get a place in your chosen school for September?
If he starts at the school your ex has chosen, it would probably be harder to then move.
You said children in your original post, how old are they, would they have to move schools too?

Yeah I would move. I wouldn’t tell him until I was there safely.

no, he argues that he doesn’t have the time due to work. so he’s see them on a saturday afternoon. my son is 4 so starts this year and my daughter is 17 months.

id only be moving around 30 minutes max. so not far at all. he’s useless in all honesty, if anything were to happen with my kids at school/nursery i wouldnt be calling him i’d be calling my mum and dad

If moving away from his area back to where you have support is what you'd like to do, then look into moving. Assuming your ex has parental responsibility (and being on the birth certificate), you'd need to check your legal position on moving your son's school. He could block that decision but I suspect to do so, he'd need to go to Court. You would also need to make sure that even if you moved 30 minutes away, your ex can still see his children and that his access wouldn't be impeded. Ultimately, if he's useless and life would be better for you and your children living closer to your family, then that is what counts.

30 minutes drive is reasonable. He can't spare more than a Saturday afternoon to see them when they're on his doorstep as it is, I really wouldn't be basing your decisions on what's going to upset him. You are the primary carer.

He will be "upset" with you for one reason or another for a long time yet, so you might as well suit yourself within reason, and the children will benefit from having a mum who is happier with a close support network around.

He doesn't have to agree, you're not looking for him to "allow' you to make decisions, and a long as a family court would deem them to be reasonable then you crack on.

30 minutes is nothing, do it.

Just make sure that you make it clear to him you are in no way doing this stop stop his relationship with his children. You’re doing it as you’re their main carer and you need the family support and you want to do whatever you can to help support his ongoing relationship with his kids.

If things were to go to court the judge would support him in saying you need to be the one to travel and drop/pick the kids up as you’re the one who moved so just keep that in mind.

@DaisyChain505 oh of course. one thing i’ve always said is no matter what happens between us nothing will hinder his chances at a great relationship with his kids. they’ll make their own decisions about him when they’re old enough and i’m happy to help out as much as i can in regards to pick ups/drop offs. not that one day a week needs much support haha