finding my voice again - marital rape reported to police.

[Risehigh]

I first came to MN when expecting my first born 6 years ago and soon realised how valuable this digital community was in many aspects of life.
My first post is therefore to thank all of you. I have learnt so much about myself as a wife and mother. Fast forward to today, I am just back from the police station. Husband was arrested last month after I made an initial account of rape. Today they gave me the opportunity to report this properly along with all the sad details of ten years of domestic abuse. Needless to say we are divorcing and he is on bail and can't contact me.
I don't expect much to come out of it legally speaking knowing the difficulty to actually prosecute but I feel proud of myself for finding my voice again after too many years where I basically trusted and believed his lies more than my own truth.
Thank you MNers.

Well done. Please get some support to see you through the next few months and divorce. Women's Aid helped me to come to terms with my abusive marriage and enabled me to move on. It will be bumpy at first, but you have just taken the first steps towards a better life. Bravo.

You’ve taken a very brave step forward. I wish you well.

Well done! You are super strong, hope it all goes quickly and as stress free as possible for you xxx

You should be so proud of how brave you’ve been OP - first steps are always the hardest! Onwards and upwards from here!!

Thank you all. I do still feel guilty, like I have betrayed him somehow. I told him I'd speak to the police about some of his most recent behaviour (threatening to wrestle me for my phone and damage it, something he has done in the past). his response was that i was breaking his trust and so he would have to end our marriage.
Tell me, this is mad right ?! Reserve blaming or some kind of mindf**k?
I then went to the police station a few times in May. I was encouraged but never quite mustered the courage to make a formal report and complaint.
I'm anxious about the day he can contact me directly again as I'm sure he will find a way to make me pay for reporting him.

I definitely will seek help to detach as even now I am finding myself bending over backwards for him when he makes demands to see the kids. Given his bail conditions we've needed to get babysitters for contact-free handovers and guess who has had to arrange most of this and even ended up homeless at 3pm on Monday and paying for last minute accomodation for myself (my original plan, to stay at a friend's, fell through short notice) so he could stay at home overnight with the kids as initially planned (he wouldn't show any understanding that I wasn't in control of my friend needing to withdraw her invitation to host me, just said that he will stay overnight, as planned. And that was that. I complied. I need to stop doing him favours and stop feeling bad for him becoming kind of homeless overnight since his arrest. I'm now doing most of the childcare. We used to have and share 1 family car. I'm now left to doing the school and nursery run (12 miles a day), groceries and everything entirely by electric bike while he drives around some part of the country in our 7 seater which he wasted no time in taking me off the insurance!
Sorry I'm now moaning, will buy a car asap. I just need to stay strong and be more selfish.

'I just need to stay strong and be more selfish.'
Not putting up with his shit doesn't make you selfish.
He doesn't get to treat you like that and get favours.

You are now in charge of what you do, and what is best for you and the children. Don't be guilty about asserting your rights. I bet he doesn't feel guilty about how badly he treated you.
The consequences for him are the result of his choices and actions so he can fuck off.

Keep the faith that better things are coming, you can get there.