I can't stand my ex

[ILikePizza2025]

I told my ex I made an appointment for our son to have his vaccines that are due. My ex changed the appointment to a time she is off to take them. Does so without telling me. This isn't the first time since we moved to our separate places in May. She will either make appointments not tell me she took the children to a visit, or tell me the night before, or do this. Just so aggravating and annoying.

Then doesn't communicate. Doesn't agree or work on a schedule. Wants children days she has off. Tries to have all the extracurricular activities on her days.

I would love to cancel the visit, but my child needs the vaccines, and thankfully, she didn't do it on the week I am taking the children on vacation.

Even forgot the part where they rescheduled the time for our child to have an appointment with a speech therapist on the days I know have my child without discussing it with me. Obviously was the only day they had that fit with our child's upcoming school schedule. I would have said yes anyway. Just a little communication and consideration would be nice.

@ILikePizza2025

please bear in mind that you are supposed to love your child MORE THAN you hate your ex.

Be an adult!

I know it's just annoying the pettiness

"I would love to cancel the visit" you are also culpable @ILikePizza2025

I said I would like to, not I would, because it's for my children. My ex basically tries to pretend to be a superficial parent and make herself look good. If I do anything, like make an appointment, I would change it so she could take the children. Make appointments as I mentioned, without telling me, or last minute. Won't tell me her work schedule, even though I will tell her mine, try to stick to the schedule we've been adhering to.

There's a difference between saying you'd like to do something and being actually prepared to do it in fairness to the op.

Are you able to sit down and have a clear conversation about how this might affect the kids going forwards or does your ex have form for manipulative or controlling behaviour? I can see this either being them struggling with having the kids less often and not being physically involved in certain aspects of their care, or it being deliberately done to create upset and to undermine you? What's your gut feeling this is? I'm just thinking one is easier worked with than the other but it might mean being prepared to be in the same room to facilitate it.

Would a mediation with a neutral professional third party be an option? I'd never advocate this where there's been abuse because of the trauma and power imbalance, but if that's not an issue the best case scenario here is being able to both be accountable and set a plan moving forward and it might be easier to be accountable to someone neutral rather than each other if there's hurt there.

Or can you take it to solicitors and try to get a more formal agreement in place?

but the title also states "I can't stand my ex" @ILikePizza2025

"tries to pretend to be a superficial parent and make herself look good", to whom?

As @Lavender14 says, mediation would possibly be the best way forward if neither of you can be civil, even for the sake of the children.

Shut down communication. Won't tell me anything basically or last minute. I find out because a lot of things are electronic.

I feel I am civil. Game plan is ask about what she wants if she rejects the proposal. Then if not on same page have to file with the Court seek Court mediation. Plan to not use the attorney they said may be $5K to $10K more to do so.

Had a fair agreement I have the children Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. The week after I have the children Monday, Tuesday, and Saturday.

Does your children’s well-being come into this at all, or is it all,about scoring points off your ex? It’s not unreasonable for a mother to want to take her child for a vaccination - and she’s hardly going to arrange it when she has something else on. As for extra curricular activities, surely it makes sense for her to arrange them for days she is off - how would the DC get to them otherwise? And the re-scheduling of speech therapy would hardly have been your ex’s fault - as you say, it would have been done by them where there is a space. Do you have any sort of formal agreement over arrangements for the DC with your ex? If not, it seems you might need one.

It's more I made the appointment she changed it. She did that once before. Makes appointments without telling me when I tell her. EC she won't tell me. So risk the kiddos being signed up twice for the same EC.

“I made the appointment she changed it”

Did you make the appointment for you to take DC, or did you make it for her to take them? And why did you make the appointment, if she is normally the one to take the children to such things? She may be your ex; you may not like her, but you got on well enough to have children together; you are both the only parents those children will ever have, and both of you need to learn to communicate. Please, put your differences aside and put the children first. It sounds as though you both need to go to mediation - it’s really not good for the DC to have parents who are constantly chipping away at each other.

Are you sticking to the agreed schedule? If the kids have extra curricular on your days, do you take them - on time, in the right kit etc? Because if so, just continue to stick with your agreed schedule. I don' teven know why you have to share respective work schedules if your contact time is agreed to a set schedule?

The vaccine thing seems weird and a bit annoying but to be honest, my DC tend to prefer me to take them to these sort of appointments over DH so I could easily see a situation where she felt they would prefer her.

The child needed the appointment. I made it on the day I was off. Ex changed it to a day she was off. I mean, can't be upset that it is early, and thankfully not when taking my children on vacation. Just the principal. Does this a lot and won't communicate anything.

Well, I sent her an agreement that outlined the custody arrangement and other areas. If not signed, see where she is with the visitation schedule. It seems that we can hash things out through private mediation, if not, go through the Court system.

Still fresh with separation. 5 months since the ex requested a divorce and 3 months not living in the same domicile. No formal or legal visitation schedule as of yet, trying to work on such. We have been doing the same days over the Summer. I still send her my work schedule if something changes on my end or her end, we need to adjust the visitation schedule. An example was that I sent my work schedule over a few weeks ago. The days we are off we have the children. My ex never did send her work schedule to me. A day I am supposed to have the children, my ex said something like, "I am off, I am having the kids till (someday in the week)." Giving her an extra day. That's not how it works especially last minute.

This is very difficult to understand. You have proposed a visitation schedue and she's just ignored it so you're still winging it? Or she has proposed one and you've proposed a different one and so it's not working out as you can't agree?

Obviously, you need to sort that out asap. I'm not sure how quickly mediation can take place but I'd be pushing for asap.

You haven't clarified if you do take the children to their activities on your days or if that's a current sticking point for her?

My ex hasn't done anything in regards to legally establishing a custody schedule. Worked with an attorney creating a contract to send to my ex. We been just doing this schedule without any snags at the moment.

As far as EC I am the one who registered my oldest child. was the one mainly paying for the EC, and taking them to classes. Same for school stuff and so forth.

What is EC?