Why do they lie?

PersephoneParlormaid · 05/07/2025 08:09

Why do you care, he’s a liar, move on.

EmmaThompsonsTears · 05/07/2025 08:44

Bienbien · 05/07/2025 07:58

I’m two months into separation. He left. I have discovered stbxh has had another woman for nearly a year. A junior at work 15 years younger than him. I have so much proof. I confronted him. He is denying it up and down. Even lying to his own mother she asked him.

I don’t understand why he is lying. What’s the point now? It’s baffling.

Had to post after the completely unhelpful one above. I’ve been going through this too and it’s still very raw.

I don’t know why they lie either. The evidence is right there and they try and wriggle out of it at every opportunity. It totally undermines everything you thought about them as a person, and makes you feel like a fool for believing them for so long.

Anyway, two things I want to share with you:

There’s a reason why we can’t understand why they lie. If you understood, you’d be as weak and as pathetic as they are. Be glad you have no understanding with people like that. It’s torturous, because your first question is always “but WHY?!? The truth was RIGHT THERE??” But it speaks very highly of your character that you find this behaviour baffling. It shows that you’d never even consider stooping to such a low. Be proud ❤️
This lying and cheating is a gift. They were a substandard human. You deserve better. Him leaving has forced the outcome you always deserved: a hope for a better life, and a better love.

Sending lots of love and solidarity x

Mrsttcno1 · 05/07/2025 08:54

They lie because they can, because they don’t want to be the villain, and perhaps in your particular situation because admitting to an extra-marital affair with a woman 15 years his junior from work could get him in hot water with work would be my guess.

Rainbowqueeen · 05/07/2025 09:00

Well if he admits the truth then the breakdown of your marriage might be his fault mightn’t it? It’s male privilege. He is accustomed to doing whatever he likes and being praised for it. He thinks he is a good guy and he wants everyone else to think the same.

Wish44 · 05/07/2025 09:44

I am in same boat op… they are “just good friends” and I am mad is their story…. Even though I discovered them by reading his phone…

it’s utterly bizzare… no one believes them (his family are saying they believe him but obviously they don’t) . I think the love hormones affect their judgment and they can’t face the grubby truth. Ultimately I feel sad for myself that I loved someone so deeply who has such little integrity.

just try to remember that in 5 years you won’t care op .

GlobeTrotter2000 · 05/07/2025 17:10

I thought that no fault divorces were now the norm and there is no longer the need to point fingers at anyone? When it comes to asset split, it will be based on what’s available and who needs what. Cause of the marriage failure is not taken into account.

shrewdasserpentsinnocentasdoves · 05/07/2025 19:48

PersephoneParlormaid · 05/07/2025 08:09

Why do you care, he’s a liar, move on.

Maybe she cares because she's upset her marriage is ending, or because she's been deceived for over a year, or because no one likes being lied to.

Seriously wtf with this post

Original poster

Bienbien · 06/07/2025 01:32

Thank you for replying everyone.

Just discovered the pair’s messages from September 2023 where they are saying ‘I love you’ each other.

I can’t cope with this. I feel like I’m spiralling out of control.

OP posts:

Wish44 · 06/07/2025 08:55

You have to put a shield around yourself… it is awful op. Dig deep. Be strong but don’t avoid the feelings . It is awful that he won’t admit it and take the blame… but that shows you who he really is. A coward. Big love op.

Malcolminthemid · 06/07/2025 10:13

Rainbowqueeen · 05/07/2025 09:00

Well if he admits the truth then the breakdown of your marriage might be his fault mightn’t it? It’s male privilege. He is accustomed to doing whatever he likes and being praised for it. He thinks he is a good guy and he wants everyone else to think the same.

It’s not male privilege, women are just as adept at playing that role.

EmmaThompsonsTears · 06/07/2025 11:56

Bienbien · 06/07/2025 01:32

Thank you for replying everyone.

Just discovered the pair’s messages from September 2023 where they are saying ‘I love you’ each other.

I can’t cope with this. I feel like I’m spiralling out of control.

I feel you. I found messages that called each other boyfriend and girlfriend, said I love you every all day - he maybe said it to me twice in 10 months, even though I begged him to say it more. He even changed her name to “Future Wife” in his phone. It’s like a dagger to the heart initially. But for me, it also strengthened my resolve never to go back. There’s no going back from that level of betrayal. The only way is up

Original poster

Bienbien · 06/07/2025 15:27

EmmaThompsonsTears · 06/07/2025 11:56

I feel you. I found messages that called each other boyfriend and girlfriend, said I love you every all day - he maybe said it to me twice in 10 months, even though I begged him to say it more. He even changed her name to “Future Wife” in his phone. It’s like a dagger to the heart initially. But for me, it also strengthened my resolve never to go back. There’s no going back from that level of betrayal. The only way is up

Show quote history

This is the silver lining. I now have no hope or wish of ever getting back together. There’s no coming back from this level of betrayal. It’s strengthened my resolve to move on. I have no will to find someone to love but even if I end up alone, at least I won’t be living with a snake. Him and his women are welcome to each other

OP posts: