New thread - Onwards part 3! For those going through it

[Wolbutter]

Thought I'd start the new thread as we are at 999. Coming up to 4 months for me. Today is an angry, pissed off day. Feels like there is a mountain of things to come. Some days I'm sad, some angry but on the surface I'm coping!

Thank you for the new thread. I had dipped in and out of the last one over the last few weeks and have found it both cathartic and shocking to hear from others in the same or very similar positions to my own.

Today is a sad day for me too @Wolbutter. Thinking of you and hoping you can get through the day, tomorrow may be brighter.

Married 33years, he announced in March 24 he no longer loved us. I acknowledged my part of enforcing celibacy hadn't help but we agreed to work together to save our marriage.
May 2024 told me not in love with me and he moved into spare room. Awful times in house, me pleading, him insisting he didn't want us, me. Fast forward March 2025 he moved into a bedsit.
Says he's happy and living a life he wants.
He continues to pay for our house and walks the dog.
Both agreed divorce is not want we want. Says he wants no one else.
I am desperate of reconciliation and struggle to make sense of it all.

Did your day get any better?

I had a vivid dream about stbxh and ow last night. Woke up with horrible sadness that has lingered.

Bienbien.. it did. I am managing to do more and more things without thinking about it 100% of the time, although I am in limbo re finances. Today I felt more sanguine except DS (15) refuses to see him which I understand but he is upset about.

Last night I discovered the pair’s messages from September 2023 where they are saying ‘I love you’ each other. This affair has been going on far longer than I thought. In the meantime, I thought I was married, was bending over backwards to please him and make it work. Had a normal family life, had holidays and christmasses together. I cooked and cleaned for him and accommodated his every wish.

I confronted him again. He swore on the kids lives that there is no one he is seeing!! He said, in his mind we are no longer married and no matter what say, I can’t dictate how he feels!

I can’t cope with this. I feel like I’m spiralling out of control.

Oh god that's so awful! How can he deny it? Although from reading this forum nothing should surprise me.

Although I have no idea how, I guess the best thing for you is to know it happened but to move forwards for you. Are you still living together and what's the plan? And are you in counselling?

The book Runaway Husbands might be helpful to you. I'm so sorry this is happening to you xx

Bumping this thread because the part 2 thread was just linked and it's full!

I wonder how everyone is getting on... my current worst challenge (none of it is fun) is that DS (teen) doesn't want to see his dad. I can't say I blame him but worried this is storing up more heartache for him later on.

But my friends and my mum hold me up ... thanking my lucky stars for them!

Hi, I had a bit of some "Come to Jesus" moments last twenty-four hours. Talked to friends and family. Opened up been honest about myself. I have a lot of hidden suppressed emotions. Lot of fear of my ex partner. Fear has prevented me from communicating with her. After a surprise visit by my ex in public didn't even engage in conversation. Patched a few things up, but still have work in that area with family.

Life is drowning at times. Work overtime a lot. Basically life is work and children. School soon to be added to the mix.

One of the topics was current custody agreement ex and I have. It is working. Works for the children and works for my ex. Eventually obtaining that custody agreement. Have to file for divorce in April so things will be set in stone then. If I can get it done before then to avoid issues with the holiday great. Especially due to the ex not communicating.

I’m still really struggling to be honest. He literally forced our daughter to meet his affair partner a few weeks ago, completely against her will (she’s nearly 14 and knows about the affair, she discovered it) and has since been inserting himself into her family with photos of him cuddling her girls all over Facebook. Her girls don’t know about the affair, but they will work it out as there was literally no time between the split and them getting together. But as they are younger and have no choice in the matter, I think he finds it easier as he’s not faced with guilt like he is with our daughter. She feels pushed out and replaced which is horrible for her. She has become completely disillusioned with his behaviour as he maintains he is “prioritising” her, but it is so clear he isn’t. Everyone says she will vote with her feet, but that just makes me feel she is a “prize” which she isn’t. There are no winners here 😢

I don't think there is a way to say this without coming across as bitter and I'm not looking for advise, but anyone get pissed off with how grateful and pleased DC are with whatever Ex does for them?

My DC are adults but not independent, one just moved home from uni, waiting for a AdHD assessment, riddled with anxiety, the other is autistic anxious and whilst he has a degree also, isn't working either. We split a couple of years ago but he's only been out the house a year. Refused to support DS2 in his last year at uni so that was left to me and I have the 2 of them home also supported by me.

They are not unaware of this and do help about the house. Ex has his own flat, semi retired, has a cleaner, rarely contacts his children. They both had birthdays recently and he dropped them in a card with £100 each. Both of them commented that it was a lot and unexpected. I asked both of them for ideas, researched and bought them what they'd like, took them for a meal on their birthday etc etc and it's not that they weren't thankful to me, it just seems like they were more thankful to him.

He has more disposable income than me, I can't afford to semi retire as I can't downsize my house, had to take out a mortgage to give him his share and was always the higher earner as well as picking up the majority of everything else.

I know feeling bitter about it doesn't help anything but it frustrates me that he has more time and money to help them and does the bare minimum.

Rant over. I'm still happier without him.