Ex husband co parenting drama

[Em1988x]

I chose the separation over a month ago and now he knows I do not want us to reconcile, he has turned a little nasty over certain things. He has one kid at a time, I think purely to keep me from meeting anyone. Just today I popped to get dog food whilst our dd was at his and so left our ds at home whilst he nipped to shop. On way back they face timed me as dd wanted to show me something she had bought. He obviously noticed I was in car as had to pull over. Within minutes of getting back home, he called our ds to ask where he was. Then soon as he spoke to him, he messaged me calling me a cunt and a bitch and how dare I drop our daughter to him and leave ds with his nan so I could go meet by bf. Our ds had said he was at home so god knows how he jumped to that conclusion. I couldn’t be bothered with the argument so sent a pic over of my receipt to show I had been shop to buy dog food. I received no apology back.

I feel like this is going to be a constant thing and going to be watched all the time. I told him last week that I will eventually be dating and he will have to get used to it. Abit of back ground is that when we split but still lived together, I was seeing someone and so he thinks I am still seeing him. It all kicked off and threats made, visits made, and so have told him I won’t be seeing this guy because of him.

I fear that our co parenting relationship is going to be shit. No schedule in place with kids, he won’t have both together because he doesn’t want me to move on. And it’s just going to be hostile.

has anyone managed to get through a shit co parenting relationship and not ended up with messed up kids because of it?

I get it’s early days and he’s still getting used to us being apart, but our marriage was over for years basically, and I’ve grieved that during all those years. He agreed it was shit and all the damage we both caused. But now he knows I don’t want us to work at our marriage, he isn’t taking any accountability he is just putting it down to me cheating and I’m to blame. Whereas when he thought there was hope for us, he took 80% blame for us (there was years of alcohol, drug, money abuse and visits of prostitutes)

Use a single email address for him, and only him. Block him on everything else, and don't engage with anything other than access arrangements, and the divorce itself.

You need a solicitor, and you'll probably be best off sorting out when he has the children (together) via a judge.

Don’t prove to him what you’re up to/where you’ve been. It’s none of his business plus you’re doing it to appease him. I wouldn’t appease any person who called me a cunt or a bitch. Also, you need to officially sort out access regarding the children. Him taking one at a time to control you is pathetic. It needs to be arranged properly so that he’s doing what’s best for the children, not what’s best to control you and your life. What a POS he is.

Email for divorce, court approved app for contact with the DC.

You could stipulate that he either has both DC together or neither.

Never justify or defend or explain what you are doing in your private life, it’s private & he’s your ex.

Why did you feel the need to date whilst you still lived together? What’s the rush? Out of respect for being married you should have waited. You’ve started the divorce off poorly and it’s going to take some time for the hurt to settle.
don’t rise up to his provocation

Some good advice above.
Our family wizard is a good coparetning app as everything can be used in court for evidence. Can notdelete anything from it,you can turn notifications off, joint calendar. There are some good free ones but I can't recommend.
I would start by saying that he takes both kids at the same time, this isn't fair on the kids to not spend time together. It isn't child focused, and you also need time alone just as he does. Honestly, I think you will end up with a judge making a decision for you, but maybe mediation is a way of discussion the schedule. No court is going to agree to him taking more kid at a time.

Don't justify yourself. Keep your messages in a BIFF style brief, informative, friendly and firm.
Wait- don't respond to messages immediately. Wait. Maybe only check the app or email address at bedtime or something, or first thing in the morning.
His behaviour is unacceptable so you need to put boundaries in place.
How old are your kids? I take it they want to see dad?
No more justifying or defending. Just answer the child focused bit and ignore the rest.
It is hard, you may get to a more positive situation in the future. Your children need one parent who doesn't involve them in adult drama, who is consistent, loving and supportive. You can do this and hopefully dad catches on and puts his feelings to the side.
Oh, and no more talking about your private life. Until you actually want the kids to meet someone it isn't something that should be entertained with ex.

Nah, he’s a man who calls a woman ‘cunt’, ‘bitch’, who felt entitled to buy prostituted women’s consent: he isn’t going to settle down into some nice guy once he gets over his hurt feelings. Great stretch, but his behaviour really isn’t OP’s (or any other woman’s) fault.