how can i stop feeling crap about this

[justtryingherbest]

my ex and i separated in January after he’d been messaging hookers, drinking loads, generally being an awful partner.

2 weeks after splitting up he decided to join dating apps, remove relationship status’ off everything and forgot that 10 years and 2 children together ever existed

he broke my heart but has since started moving on as i found out he’s been talking to/seeing someone for a couple of months

how do i stop having anything to do with him apart from when it’s to do with the kids? i don’t want a relationship with him as i keep getting hurt/feeling like im being led on. he still messages me a lot and says how great i am and how sorry he is etc etc

yet he’s moved on?!

He probably genuinely does see you as a great person and may also be genuinely sorry for the hurt he's caused you. However, it sounds as though he's enjoying being a single man again and is pursuing that rather than being a good husband and father. It'll come back to haunt him when he hits middle age and realises his pulling power has gone together with his looks and his waistline.

It is possible to hold two entirely contradictory opinions of the same person. My dad for example was the best dad I could have had as a young child. He was kind, caring, patient, loving and protective. After a bitter divorce from my mother, he remarried and our relationship went downhill significantly. My stepmother was very jealous of his previous life and made it crystal clear she didn't want me to be a part of their future. I wasn't even invited to their wedding - I was 8 at the time but my younger cousins were all present. My dad would arrange to meet me at weekends and often not turn up and the radio silence would go on for weeks, then months, then years. He broke my heart. As a consequence, I have two completely opposing opinions on my dad - the person he was before he remarried and the person he became afterwards. I don't know whether this helps but maybe if you try to see your husband as two versions of himself, it will help to rationalise why you still feel that pull towards the original version? X