Payment for childcare, school uniform

[Sunshineclouds11]

Hi,

I get CM from ex which I know I'm lucky to get, £300 a month.

I pay the nursery fee's for DD. Which are £800.

in school holidays DS goes to a holiday club few days a week, am I being unreasonable asking for half of this?
ex states he can't take time off, I need to work and on my days off I have them both as he supposedly can't.

school uniform, what do people tend to do for this?

im just feeling that I'm being left to pay quite abit, the money he pays helps towards bills, clothes and what the kids need, he refuses to pay anything towards mortgage which he's still on.

He pays for them on the days that are ‘his’ in the court order (or the nights they correspond to), you pay for yours. If there is a vast difference in number of days then you need to vary your court order (for finances) to reflect that. Ie ‘each parent contributes equally for holiday child care’.

You’re not unreasonable to ask, but he can say no and there’s nothing you can do. All he has to pay is the CMS, anything outside of that is up to him and so he can refuse and you’re left paying it. It is shit!

How often does he have them? Are the holiday club days when he would normally have them?

It depends what agreement you have re shared care. If there’s childcare costs it’s usually better to have set days of the week which are yours or his and you each pay for your own work needs. ExH refused to have ex on weekdays for this reason!
If he’s not doing school holidays you may need to move into a different CM band as it’s done on nights per year.
Are you eligible for help with childcare costs via UC?
Uniforms unless you have a formal agreement then it’s voluntary if he contributes.

DS one night through the week and a Sat night.
DD is pretty sporadic when he has her overnight. No more than once a month typically.

nothing is through court just an agreement we made

That’s what my ex and I did. He gave me a £300 a month and paid for half of school uniform, trips, extra curricular clubs etc.

Mine pays half of uniform and holiday clubs.

But I’m a teacher so frankly he’s winning because I cover most of the holidays.

If it’s just an agreement I would take legal advice due to the mortgage or at minimum go through CMS to ensure he’s giving you enough

@Sunshineclouds11 so is the idea you will stay in the house while the kids are young and split the proceeds in due course? If so, I hope he’s not expecting any more than his share at the time you took over the mortgage, given he is not contributing. Definitely consider a more formal agreement.

CMS payments are calculated based on what are considered to be a child’s basic needs. Extra costs like childcare are not factored in as there is an expectation that parents share these costs.
Apparently you can seek a court order for ‘special expenses’ but I’d assume you would already have to be officially receiving CMS or contact be under a court order to do this but I’m not sure.
Maybe do a bit of research before approaching him about this. I believe there is an online calculator to work out how much you would be entitled to. If you do this and find out you’d be entitled to more it would be worth pointing this out to him and asking him to pay something towards childcare.
If he won’t budge, I would seek advice from a family lawyer about next steps to pursue this through court.
Totally unacceptable that you are finding yourself completely responsible for £800 of childcare for your SHARED child.

I'd run his salary through the CMS calculator and see if you'd be entitled to more if you went that route. Especially if he won't have them so he can work, but you don't get the same luxury and have to pay the associated childcare costs.

£300 a month is nothing and you’re not lucky to get it at all. Have you checked the calculator? It isn’t even half of your childcare fees for half of your children. Would you be better off working part time? Maybe time to check if he should be paying more and definitely not unreasonable to ask for half towards uniform / clubs etc. £300 a month for someone else to feed and clothe and entertain my kids 80% of the time? Where do I sign up? Oh yeah when the sperm enters the egg!

He should pay for half of both.

get a court order and fight for your share. You are being short changed. It is just ridicolous he pays £300 per month for 2 kids when he has one 2 days a week and 1 once a month.

Do you know his salary to put into the child’s maintenance calculator?
You put the amount he earns and the number of nights and it will tell you the monthly amount he should pay you.

No point fighting it through court. He had to pay cms minimum and that’s it

This isn’t how it works. When the house is sold, the equity at that time is generally shared equally unless there’s a financial agreement beforehand.

I’m no lawyer but you need to see one asap. You’re going to be shafted when the kids are older and he wants his half of a house he hasn’t contributed to!
Also £300 when you pay £800 a month is childcare alone is scandalous.

If there is no child arrangement order through the court, have you officially gone through child maintenance services? Or is it a private arrangement? Xx

Me and my ex have a court order. I am responsible for Monday - Wednesday and he is responsible for Thursdays and Fridays during the school week, so we left it the same for school holidays. It’s a bit annoying as it leaves me finding cover for more days on a much smaller income, but if it was my (selfish) decision I would have my kids 100% so I try not to complain about it.

i can claim UC help towards childcare costs, he cannot. So I didn’t opt to putting 50/50 for school holidays as I felt it would get too complicated “sharing” and then me being able to reclaim some of the holiday club costs!

I also get the child benefit £170 a month. Due to this I fund their school uniforms and don’t request help from him.

if you don’t have already, I would get an order in place. This way there is no risk of arguments etc in the future and everyone knows where they stand - including the children and routine.

Thanks all, definitely some food for thought.

the £300 is from the CMS calculator. I don't know if he's had a pay rise since, probably. but it's a private agreement.

regarding the house, we have an argument every month about it. He obviously wants his share. But I keep repeating it's not easy for me to find somewhere suitable close to school and nursery that quick.
Keep repeating it's his childrens house that he's trying to force us out of.

how many nights he has them. It's laughable it is. But tbh, as much as I need a break as I'm never without one of them I do prefer them to be with me for most of the time. He hasn't asked for more.

Seriously, please get a family lawyer. I know they can be expensive but you should be getting more support from him than that. With regards to the house you need a formal arrangement, because you need to be housed in the future, not just while the children are young - and actually you would probably be better off going to court NOW, while they ARE young, because they need to be housed and he will be responsible for helping to ensure that happens. If you wait until they are older, you are likely to lose your potential to own your own home in the future.
You should also formalise child contact for your children’s sake. Your solicitor will request access to his payslips and calculate how much child support he should be paying. You can go to the CMS but they charge a % of the payments they take.
You don’t mention your salary, but your children might be entitled to pupil premium, which basically covers the cost of uniform, trips, lunches etc. it’s worth asking the school.
Finally, if you DO end up selling the house, and you cannot buy anywhere, any equity you receive would negate a claim for means tested financial support (benefits) as it would count as “savings”. You could lose it all; spending it on rent, until it runs out. There are ways to mitigate this. Amongst others, you could invest it into another property in a cheaper area, and rent it out. You still wouldn’t be elegible for means tested benefits, as it would be counted as an “asset” but the rent would offset your own, and you would have the asset of a property for later in life. The other option to look into, is to invest it in your personal pension. This is ringfenced until you are older, and does not count as assets when means tested benefits are being calculated. For this reason, it can also be beneficial to pay more of your salary into your pension fund, if you are borderline to receiving universal credit top ups, as your pension pot increases to give you a better quality of life in retirement, but you would also be entitled to more financial support in the “now”, such as the pupil premium I mentioned, offsetting the cost of extra pension costs. Remember that pension contributions are also tax free, so you save that way as well.

I get 300 a month too of my ex. I dont know what he earns as hes recently changed jobs but im really worried about money. Ive had to empty the kiddocare savings account and use my own money to cover the kids going to a holiday club day 2x a week over the summer but that's only 9-3 and i still need to give them lunch. Uniform is going to cost a fortune and eldest moves up to high school and the lunch menu is really expensive. His cm doesn't even cover the food they eat in a month. I also pay for the boys counselling myself as well as the youngest adhd medication privately as gp refused share care. I asked him for 400 and he said ' i only need to give you 300 as ive already checked with the cms calculator..like yeah thanks. No overnight stays and sees them once a week at a weekend. He of course has money to go away with the woman he cheated on me with later in the year.

Point out if you can’t work during the then you can’t pay the mortgage and he is still liable for paying it if his name is still on it.

it would be cheaper to pay for the holiday club for him.

I’d let him take me to court to force me out the house before I was ready. He’s taking the piss.