Arrggghhhhhh - I’m sorry but I just need to vent about this

FancyCatSlave · 2025-06-24T18:37:15+00:00

Can I just rant on here please because I have no-one to say this to in real life. Arrrrggghhhhhh!!!! Ex and I are having an “amicable” divorce, and agree fully on consent order terms. We submitted the initial divorce ourselves online jointly. But he is absolutely determined that we need absolutely no-one at all for the financial paperwork and he can do it all himself. This is him all over, Mr bodge-it job. It is infuriating and whilst we can’t agree on this things will make no progress whatsoever. Please does anyone know how to make him see sense? I am determined it is written up by a professional and we stop it getting thrown out by a judge for being nonsense but he is insistent that armed only with google and a sense of self importance he can do a better job than a solicitor for free. I cannot wait to be rid of him. This illustrates the whole failing our marriage. What a knob.

millymollymoomoo · 24/06/2025 19:40

Just tell him there’s a good chance it will go wrong and leave him open to claims from in the future if it’s not worded correctly

supercatlady · 24/06/2025 19:41

If any of my friends/family read this OP they will think it’s from me!

it will cost around £800 for consent order and pension sharing order - could you offer to pay this yourself?

Original poster

FancyCatSlave · 24/06/2025 19:57

supercatlady · 24/06/2025 19:41

If any of my friends/family read this OP they will think it’s from me!

it will cost around £800 for consent order and pension sharing order - could you offer to pay this yourself?

It’s not the money, he is refusing to use anyone because he wants to do it.

OP posts:

Original poster

FancyCatSlave · 24/06/2025 19:59

millymollymoomoo · 24/06/2025 19:40

Just tell him there’s a good chance it will go wrong and leave him open to claims from in the future if it’s not worded correctly

I have. He is so convinced of his prowess that he believes this to be impossible. Arrogance personified.

OP posts:

supercatlady · 24/06/2025 22:43

Are you sharing pensions?

Original poster

FancyCatSlave · 24/06/2025 23:34

No. Keeping own pensions and splitting marital home 50/50 (despite me funding all of it). 50/50 custody with no maintenance needed.

I’m keeping my former home. He’s keeping his inheritance (his father died recently).

We completely agree on the finances but I want it watertight as I’m the one that will get a large inheritance down the line (circa £1m) and I’m not risking any claim, he’s been bankrupt once and I’m sure it will happen again. He’s a feckless knobhead with money.

OP posts:

readytotumble · 25/06/2025 00:54

FancyCatSlave · 24/06/2025 23:34

No. Keeping own pensions and splitting marital home 50/50 (despite me funding all of it). 50/50 custody with no maintenance needed.

I’m keeping my former home. He’s keeping his inheritance (his father died recently).

We completely agree on the finances but I want it watertight as I’m the one that will get a large inheritance down the line (circa £1m) and I’m not risking any claim, he’s been bankrupt once and I’m sure it will happen again. He’s a feckless knobhead with money.

I managed all the financial agreement stuff for our divorce, I set it all down in writing and we both signed it. We split everything 50/50 with the exception that we agreed a lump sum in my favour in lieu of child maintenance (he wasn’t working at the time and I knew that he’d be difficult about it down the line, so it was the path of least resistance, I might have got more but I was ok with what we agreed and so was he. We did do pension sharing which had to be signed off by a judge to get the Pension Sharing Order, but other than that we worked it all out for ourselves. My solicitor was kept in the loop, her advice was I’d get 50% and I’d be wasting my time to try going for more. He chose not to use a solicitor. When the family home was sold the conveyancing solicitor had a signed copy of our financial agreement and divvied up the house sale proceeds in line with it. So as long as you check his numbers and you’re happy with them, it’s absolutely fine to do this yourselves. A third party would in practice only be working with the numbers you gave them anyway, so I’m not sure what value that would add since you’re in agreement. If you didn’t agree then you’d potentially have to negotiate via solicitors and pay for their services.

Once your decree absolute is issued he cannot make any claim to any of your assets, including inheritance, and if you’ve previously made a will in which he’s a beneficiary, whatever you were leaving to him, it becomes invalid at that point. Both of those scenarios were concerns of mine, but it was automatically part of the divorce anyway.

SeaToSki · 25/06/2025 01:04

Let him write it and then once he has, give your copy to a professional to proof read before you sign it. Then if the professional has any comments, go back to him with them and dont mention your professional advice (as its none of his business)

Rayqueen · 25/06/2025 04:24

Tbh of it's amicable and you both agree it's very easy to do it by yourselves, I did with ex and once your divorce is thru that's it the end no claims can be made. Barely cost us anything and easy as pie

millymollymoomoo · 25/06/2025 07:21

Honestly I’d get your solicitor draft it and you pay for it

then it’s sorted

Keepingthingsinteresting · 25/06/2025 08:18

readytotumble · 25/06/2025 00:54

I managed all the financial agreement stuff for our divorce, I set it all down in writing and we both signed it. We split everything 50/50 with the exception that we agreed a lump sum in my favour in lieu of child maintenance (he wasn’t working at the time and I knew that he’d be difficult about it down the line, so it was the path of least resistance, I might have got more but I was ok with what we agreed and so was he. We did do pension sharing which had to be signed off by a judge to get the Pension Sharing Order, but other than that we worked it all out for ourselves. My solicitor was kept in the loop, her advice was I’d get 50% and I’d be wasting my time to try going for more. He chose not to use a solicitor. When the family home was sold the conveyancing solicitor had a signed copy of our financial agreement and divvied up the house sale proceeds in line with it. So as long as you check his numbers and you’re happy with them, it’s absolutely fine to do this yourselves. A third party would in practice only be working with the numbers you gave them anyway, so I’m not sure what value that would add since you’re in agreement. If you didn’t agree then you’d potentially have to negotiate via solicitors and pay for their services.

Once your decree absolute is issued he cannot make any claim to any of your assets, including inheritance, and if you’ve previously made a will in which he’s a beneficiary, whatever you were leaving to him, it becomes invalid at that point. Both of those scenarios were concerns of mine, but it was automatically part of the divorce anyway.

Show quote history

Sorry but this last bit isn’t true. If you don’t have a financial order then a claim can still be made as divorce only dissolves the marriage not the financial links, and a divorce does not automatically revoke a will ( marriage currently does) so you need to change your will.

I feel you @FancyCatSlave but if you aren’t sharing pensions the risk is lower. Maybe engage your own solicitor to look over everything he does.