Hi
I am new to mumsnet but I am looking for advice and if anybody has been through similar
I was with my husband 17 years married for 6 years my eldest son was 4 when we met his biological dad fell off the face of the earth didn’t bother with him so my husband took him in as his own we also have a 13 year old son together
my husband left me 4 months ago told me he doesn’t love me anymore and something was missing but also said I cared to much I had a heart of gold but I can’t make him happy after 2 week I received a message he wants a divorce.
he had his 1st mediation session, I agreed to the mediation session but I did explain to him everything was to soon I was dealing with the separation, but again I agreed to go.
before my session my husband has came into the family home me and my son are living he owns my name is not on the mortgage
he has taken things out of the house like coffee machine, water filter jet washer I confronted him and he said am lucky he’s not took the mattress I am sleeping on.
he cancelled all the bills and changed them into my name (he’s earns £4,000pm my earning £1,400pm) he hasn’t paid anything for my son I have made a claim to cm which he hasn’t paid anything to pay in July
I can’t afford to pay the bills my car shopping and upkeep of my child school, clothing etc as my wages don’t cover it all hence why I have claimed cm
he is not happy about this he lives with his mum rent free no car as he uses a work van which is paid for,
he called me told me if I go for his pension in mediation he will sell the car on me ( car is in his name I make the payments to him every month) he’s told me he’s selling the house,
I have registered for Intrest on the land registry but that does not go on until September.
i went to my mediation appointment mediator has issued me a letter to court as she does not think mediation is suitable.
throughout our marriage there was certain things my husband used to do that would upset me I did have a good job which was bringing in more money he told me I was working to much and it was stopping him from working weekends or overtime so I changed my job I wasn’t really happy there anyway
I got a job in a school which worked around my son which was great he then told me I wasn’t earning enough.
although he says I wasn’t earning enough I paid the car payments shopping bills my husband won’t eat processed food and meat had to be bought from the butches this was costing £600 p/m I would also pay school dinner and bus fares aswell as school trips for my son.
my husband paid the mortgage and the house bills I would barely have money left each month as I have such a big family and have to pay birthdays/Christmas presents any outing we went on he would ask me to pay half or if I come up with the idea I would have to pay.
he would be left with alot of money left each month he would book marathons away staying the weekend holidays for himself new clothes etc u would be left with nothing.
he wouldn’t communicate with me when he was going away everything was very last minute and when I confronted him about it he would tell me am controlling or overreacting. He would often like and when caught out he would tell me he couldn’t tell me because he’s on egg shells because he can’t move bearing in mind he’s working late near every night away most weekends.
honestly I didn’t understand it I felt like I cared for him a lot put him and the kids first all the time had his tea ready checking in on him supporting him with his marathons and neglecting my own needs to ensure he was happy alls I wanted was communication and respect. I did not feel like a priority and I didn’t realise until I am 4 months into the seperation
ita turned nasty my husband is telling my 13 year old son that I told the mediator it was domestic violence which I have not. I was asked questions about the communication between us and I told her what has been happening. She made that decision I told her I wanted to continue with the mediation I don’t know exactly why she chose not to go ahead all she said was that it was not suitable.
my husband was supposed to pick my son up from school as I had my mediation appointment he cancelled 2 days before because he had booked a last minute trip to Benidorm when he returned on the day of our sons football presentation which he attended laughing and joking with the other kids dads and saying quite loudly he woke up with a woman in his bed. I am extremely upset and my emotions are at a high I feel like he’s really trying to hurt me telling others am controlling and a crank.
my husband has always had a short fuse with and without drink he went to counselling for anger management as I had enough which he agreed to change. He has told me am trying to change him and he’s a shell of himself.
some get me wrong when my husband did go out I would be completely
on edge as I wasn’t sure what I was getting when he would come through the door he would be a mess verbally abusive and often urinate wherever he stood. I would be left to clean up the mess or be woken by him then I would shadow him for most of the night trying to guide him to the toilet or often he would try and go out and wonder in the streets.
Sorry for the detail but am so confused I have family and friends that know are relationship and have been telling me for years he is selfish and he’s mistreated me.
i can’t afford solicitor fees and I feel if we don’t get a divorce he’s just going to continue letting himself in the house send me messages with threats about the car and the house. I have been signed off from work at the moment as am not coping with it all at the minute. I have also been referred to counselling too.
any advice would be helpful
thanks