Staying in my home

[Beebee1986]

So my husband and I separated sept 2023.
he stopped paying his half of the mortgage in April 2024 .pushing me to sell the house .
so I reluctantly put on the market.
however although it’s been a struggle I have managed and have decided I don’t want to move myself or the children , we have all been through enough and I would not benefit from moving .
he has a 5 year restraining order so all contact is through a solicitor , although he’s not been replying since October . We are in the process of financial disclosure.

please could anyone give me some advice on next steps ? I feel I’m stuck in limbo and the solicitor takes a while to respond.
thanks 🙏

Well do you have any finances agreed? If not you will need to use this route to first of all determine what share of the house equity is his. Then you can buy him out of his share. Most people do this by borrowing more money.

They is an option to defer the sale for a period of time.Without his cooperation to agree to this you need to get a court to approve your request. To do that you will need to show that you can’t be housed appropriately without this option. A number of factors become important at this point. For example the age of the children and whether a school move would be detrimental to their education. This is a strong factor for children just about to take exams.

The availability of other housing stock is looked at. Could you rent or buy an affordable property with your share of the equity in the local area.

It will be better if you can show that you can afford a mortgage in your own right as a judge won’t like tying up his equity for years and his borrowing ability.

Finally this type of arrangement with mean you are financially connected to him for years to come. It gives him legitimate reasons to interfere with your life. For example most of these arrangements end if you cohabit or get married. So he can take you to court if he thinks you are living with someone. If he is still on the mortgage his financial standing becomes an issue for you.

Finally it is a kick the can down the road solution. The house will have to be sold at some point. If you are prepared for that to happen financially or for another reason it will be another court issue. Many woman are less able to house themselves as they get older. Or they don’t want to move when the time comes as they want their adult children to have a place to stay.

It is not seen as a good solution by courts. It is detrimental to the other party. It is detrimental to you. It will need you to show that you can’t move because of education and affordability. His counter argument will be to show this is the case.

Unless there is an issue of comparable lifestyle arguments that won’t hold weight with a judge are

• a preference to own rather than rent, especially if he is renting
• a preference for a garden - if a flat works then it is suitable
• a preference for extra rooms for home working or guests
• not wanting to move within the local area - people move all the time it is inconvenient not detrimental.

This is so helpful thankyou.
Thankyou for taking the time to reply. So much to think about !

All depends can you get the mortgage you need on your own income
have you the money to buy him out

If you can buy him out you can probably stay. You may get more than half the equity depending on your respective incomes, especially if the children spend the majority of the time with you (as he has a restraining order I'm assuming 50/50 residency is less likely, but it's not impossible). Your solicitor will advise on the likelihood of this.

You probably will have to raise a bigger mortgage though to buy him out. It's quite rare these days to have a mesher order.

Unless there is an issue of comparable lifestyle arguments that won’t hold weight with a judge are
a preference for extra rooms for home working

Interested in this aspect. A friend is arguing that as she works entirely remotely and has done for 20 years, she does need a separate room for office use. There isn't an office anywhere within two hours.

He is not replying to his solicitor and your house has been on the market for a year and has not sold - you've done well so far. Can you afford to buy him out, perhaps with family help? Could you take in a lodger to pay a higher mortgage? Is he making any payment to support the children at present - if not maybe you can forgo maintenance in exchange for a higher share of equity.

If he is paying nothing this is a guide to what he might have to pay https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out