We were married in May 2024 after 13 years together. We have 7 year old daughter. Since the wedding, things went a bit downhill and I felt that my husband was cold, distant and sad. I asked him on several occasions what was the matter, or why he was so miserable and he'd mumble something about it being "his problem"... I tried explaining that it was all of our problems but he would disengage from further conversations even though I begged him to try and get help for the sake of all of us.
He started spending more and more time with a woman from his work. She was at our wedding as a guest. As far as I know, he never lied to me about where he was or what he was doing or even with who. I bought it up on occasion, but honestly I trusted him implicitly and had no reason whatsoever to think he'd ever betray me.
In April, he told me that he was unhappy in the marriage and that he had developed an emotional connection to this other woman. I was completely floored at the time, however, it's now glaringly obvious (and again, I think he's been honest since his confession) that they were having an affair from around July last year, just 2 months after we were married. This became a sexual thing around October.
Essentially, we've split now. It's not repairable on a trust level from me, but he wants to persue things with this other woman.
We've told our daughter and he's moved in with her to her house. He's continuing to pay his share of everything (mortgage, bills etc) but I can't imagine this will be for long as obviously he needs to feather his own new nest now.
My daughter is mosy handling it like a champ, but she's neurodivergent (AuDHD) and she clearly misses him being here. He still sees her most days, picks her up from school, gives her dinner etc but I'm now running the house on my own, working in a very stressful job, and a high needs child. I am trying hard to balance the demands of adulting/parenting alone with still being fun but I sometimes feel the resentment is leaking into the boring real life stuff like tidying, cooking, cleaning, errands, clubs etc.
My daughter says I'm not "fun" anymore and of course she's able to go off and enjoy time with her dad who does lovely things with her whilst I'm doing the food shop, vaccuming the stairs, beaching the toilet etc 😂
I feel like I'm over the marriage - I've processed it quickly but I'm struggling with this "role reversal" of going from the fun mum who was keen to go out and about, do exciting activities and live our best life to chronically exhausted mum who has no choice but to nag that the house is a tip because she's gotten out 38 activities simultaneously again.
I am so resentful that I have to be a single parent because he chose to do what he did. We now don't get the future we'd talked so much about as a family, and instead I'm juggling so much stuff on a practical level and it's so, so draining.
I've self referred for some talking therapy but honestly I'm not sure it's going to help.
My husband was very helpful round the house, we'd share pretty much all household duties like cooking, cleaning, washing etc. I know I was lucky to have that in the first place as so many don't pull their weight round the house but it's only a few months in and I'm exhausted already!
My daughter has also made a "shrine" in her room to her dad with various cards, photos and pictures to "remember" him. She sees him most days, they have several video calls a day, and she's blocked me out of the photos so they're just her and her dad. It just adds to the sadness of it all. She's not done it to be spiteful of course, but he gets to enjoy his new life with his new woman without any of the daily responsibilities he previously had and I feel a bit bitter about it. I am keen that this doesn't seep in to how I parent though, and I'd love advice on how I should be handling that!
Just to add, I very much bite my tongue regarding him and his choices around my daughter. I follow the "we weren't happy together but we both love you so much" line. It's more the fact I have to now do absolutely everything alone whist they have fun!
I feel a bit better having vented. Thanks for listening ❤️