Bills during divorce

[Nootnoot1]

How should bills be split during divorce?

STBXH earns 4 times more than me. Currently when he gets paid he moves money into the joint account which has DDs for the joint mortgage and all the bills. He also pays for the groceries.

My salary is used to pay for childcare and savings for the kids. After child benefits I'm left with around £150 to myself and the kids where he has about £1000 left to himself. It's always been like this pre divorce, except a lot of the £1000 disposable monthly income would go into a savings account and I would dip into it if I needed to pay for things like the car etc. The saving pot is now no longer available as was used to overpay mortgage.

I know this as I used to be the one who managed all of the household finances. I can't apply for universal credit as we don't live as though we are separate. I have very little savings which I will need to pay for the divorce. I can't afford to instruct a solicitor.

Would it be fair to ask him to send me some money a as I'm struggling living off that amount and wouldn't be able to afford emergencies like if something happened to my car. I'm scared to ask him. We have two young children together (2 and 4 years old). Please no judgement.

It’s worth also saying, that it is possible to divorce and both parties be reasonable without the need for wasteful spending on £k on solicitors.

not saying op can or should but in cases of verities simply divorce ( ie house and pension) it is possible. Which does not mean just agree everything, it means know the assets, be reasonable in expectations, negotiate, compromise. Of course it’s not always possible

discussion is good

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Sadly - divorces rarely go amicable, when the relationship is this uneven. He earns more, he seemed to have always been controlling about money.
He ready showed he is looking out just for himself - hired a solicitor just for himself.

He is not saying anything to OP to make her trust him to run the process fairly. It is possible to use just one solicitor, for eg - where both parties agree amicable even split and solicitor then checks it and files.
OP’s H is not going that.

He is also not being clear on expenses/bills in the interim. And if he had the best intentions - he’d propose a fair arrangement on that too.

So - I think OP should not be naive and just trust him.

I didn’t say be niave

and I’ve seen many divorces being able to be worked out largely between the parties without loads of lawyers wasting money.

and of course op dh has only hired a laywer for himself , that’s completely normal

OP’s H is paying for the solicitor from marital assets. Same assets must be available for the OP to be represented. And a good solicitor will help OP get representation paid for.

It is not completely normal to only have the person with higher income to be represented.
And women often don’t know how to fight for their rights.

I am bot saying OP needs to go aggressive immediately. But she needs to know her position, and that she can fight, if needed.
Atm - she seems lost and does not know her rights. And this is how women end up with unfair settlements.

I’m not saying it’s normal for only op ex to be represented. It is normal for him to arrange only his own.

So I spoke to STBXH, it did not go well. We had a huge argument.He said he would speak to his solicitor and get back to me. I'm just so upset and scared.

Thank you for this. I have done a lot of research and I know I'm entitled to more then 50% but he got very angry when I told him this. I think he's trying to take me to the cleaners cos he's hurt. He's playing games. I just wants what's fair for us and the kids. And this to be over with. He's now impossible to talk to. And I don't know how long I can continue living with him, due to my mental health.

Why are you entitled to more than 50%?

I think people assume this because mn is full of very high earning ex husbands. Who can still afford to purchase their own property when their ex has been awarded 80%. The reality on normal salaries is different.

Yep, not my experience. 50:50 and that’s it…

I've had paid legal advice, that's what they told me.

No way and I'm saying 80%, but I know I would be entitled to more thank 50%, I'm not saying a lot, it could even be 51%. I have had paid legal advice and been told I'm entitled to more than 50%. My STBX had a much higher mortgage capacity than me so I would need more of the equity. And he has a much larger pension.

OP - you well may be eligible to get more than 50% - given the difference in income. And you may even be entitled to spousal maintenance for a limited term. All depends on your situation - duration of marriage, his income, marital assets, your ability to increase your earnings. It is hard to tell with little info.

BUT - as others have said - it will not be easy - your H is already putting up a fight. So - you need to prepare yourself for tension and stress. It will take time.
And - most crucially - you'll need to have your own solicitor to fight for you.
You can, of course, wait and see what H comes back with from his lawyers. And then look for a solicitor who can take you on.

Also - you'll need to manage your MH through the process. Most people live through divorce and stay in the same house. It's too expensive to rent an extra property. And, more importantly lawyers always advise to stay put until the financials have been agreed. So - irrespective of who initiated the divorce - you can't ask him to move out.

Thanks for this. I have not asked him to move and neither has he.

On seperation you become responsible for your self. So your living bills and childcare bills are yours. His earnings are his to keep and deploy. You need to look into benefits and understand how much you need to support yourself. Your in a window where he is still covering your living costs when he doesn't have to make sure you use this time to prepare yourself. Work out what the assets are and get to figure you want. You are now fully responsible for yourself. You will be fine I know it doesn't feel like it but your stronger then you know.