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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

I don’t know how to do this….

12 replies

Starlou · 21/06/2025 13:57

Me and my husband were married for 5 months before we separated, I left him because of abuse. In total we were only together for 2 years.

We have a child together, who he doesn’t see due to abuse and police involvement etc.

I haven’t had contact with him since May last year, (we married in January).

A Lot of people are telling me to get a divorce but I don’t know where to start! He doesn’t work, I do, I own a house etc. He doesn’t pay anything for his child etc. He never financially helped when we were together and he moved in with me previously to my old house (I’d bought before meeting him), and I have moved since we separated (again house only in my name etc).

He is 22 years older than me (I am 30) and was married once before me, his ex wife was traumatised by him (as I was) and she ended up spending thousands trying to divorce him he made it very difficult and tried to get lots of money out of her, they were married for about 10 years I think and she was the bread winner etc.

I really don’t want to spend another penny on this man (he got me into a lot of debt already) and give him the satisfaction of making me pay solicitors thousands when he will do things to increase the cost!

I have done a will which states where I want my money to go when I die (children).

My concern is how much does my will protect? Will he get my NHS pension because we are still married?

Part of me thinks just to stick it out and hope he croaks it before me, but knowing my luck I’ll get hit by a bus tomorrow after writing this! 😂

has anyone got any advice? Anyone been in this position?

also I am not eligible for legal aid 😢 as I earn to much! But also I should put out there I am in a lot of debt and cannot afford to have a legal battle with him

xx

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 21/06/2025 14:29

Get divorced and consent order asap! Do not leave this open

millymollymoomoo · 21/06/2025 14:30

You can self represent and do most yourself

Silvertulips · 21/06/2025 14:32

You can add your children as beneficiaries to your pension, any pension.

You need to speak to a solicitor.

I would sort of the divorce and leave the financial agreement to a later date. You can always seek child maintenance afterwards.

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/06/2025 14:35

You really really need a financial order because yes he could come after your assets. With a marriage that short, you’re likely to leave with what you both came with but you really must see a solicitor to get advice. I did my own divorce and self repped in court.

MidlifeWondering · 21/06/2025 14:46

I would divorce asap (with a financial order) the longer you’re married, it might make his claim on your assets stronger.
Do you have a paper trail to prove when you separated? Hopefully, if you can prove you were only married 5 months it will help. How long did you live together before you married as I think that potentially counts too

Poopeepoopee · 21/06/2025 15:12

I agree with the others. File for divorce as soon as possible. The longer you leave it, the bigger the share of assets he might get.

Starlou · 21/06/2025 15:38

Thank you all for your replies.
i am going to bite the bullet and do it!
does anyone know what happens when it comes to child contact matters? I understand this is part of the divorce proceedings and he doesn’t see his child. There is no legalities stopping this currently, he was arrested for stalking and harassment etc and haven’t heard from him since. He hasn’t filed any applications to the family court….
when we reach divorce proceedings will I be forced to go through family court? And if so please tell me I won’t have to fund this!

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 21/06/2025 16:01

Do not divorce without a financial order !

Starlou · 21/06/2025 16:27

I have just done it on Gov website
i do not know his address since we separated
I gave his email address
but I need to use the Gov service to serve him with papers but I don’t understand how that works!? Any ideas??

OP posts:
LittleGreenDragons · 21/06/2025 16:57

In your shoes I would pay for a one off consultation with a divorce solicitor. Since your marriage is very short he shouldn't have any financial claims against you but you need to start the financial split as soon as possible.

Your situation is more complicated by having police involvement as well. Trust me, it will be money well spent getting tailored advice from a professional. Good luck.

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/06/2025 20:09

Starlou · 21/06/2025 16:27

I have just done it on Gov website
i do not know his address since we separated
I gave his email address
but I need to use the Gov service to serve him with papers but I don’t understand how that works!? Any ideas??

You can pay a tracing agent to find his address. It’s not expensive. Childrens matters are separate so if he wants contact, he can make an application himself can’t he?

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/06/2025 20:09

LittleGreenDragons · 21/06/2025 16:57

In your shoes I would pay for a one off consultation with a divorce solicitor. Since your marriage is very short he shouldn't have any financial claims against you but you need to start the financial split as soon as possible.

Your situation is more complicated by having police involvement as well. Trust me, it will be money well spent getting tailored advice from a professional. Good luck.

Also this.

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