how do I pull off this plaster? - another sad divorce thread ...

[Everleave]

Sitting up at an ungodly hour on holiday and I've finally had enough.
All the pennies have finally dropped and its as if a curtain has been pulled and I can see how cold, abusive (no violence), selfish .... I could go on, they are.
I'm not sad for me, we have a young emerging adult at home who I need to consider (wouldn't want to stay, this is apparent from my DPs behaviour towards them this week).
Where do I start - I'm afraid I'm a usual statistic of being wholly financially reliable but with a very small amount of savings recently built up. No pension - long story, I can see how this was allowed to happen sadly - not much opportunity to work now after a long period at home and now fairly old though I will try to find something. God this will be hard.

Presumably you own your home? You need to find out what it’s worth, and what you can afford in the area you want to live, or is DH likely to let you buy him out?
Does DH have a pension?
You will need to get a job, if that fills you with dread maybe try volunteering first, to get your confidence up.
Think about saving up store points, like Tesco/Boots etc.
And think about getting cash back when you shop, and squirrel it away somewhere safe.

Are you not married OP? What's the housing situation? Are you joint owners?

Well done, OP, if that doesn't sound patronising. I've been where you are and have come out the other side. It was so tough, as you have rightly predicted, but so worth it. I admire you for taking a stand to protect your DC, when so many don't through fear of the unknown.

Can you work though? Maybe you can’t do what you had the possibility of doing in your twenties but I’m working in a supermarket and although we’re not quite split up, it’s close and I’m figuring out surviving on a minimum wage.

Also have to add holiday tensions are a thing, everyone wants a break from life and had it in their head what way it was going so do make sure these are real feelings and you really feel this is it, I read the blurb for that book that mn is promoting at the moment (want to read it) and it talks about women of our age and I know sooooo many people splitting up and I don’t know if we’re all just in this phase (men included) that could have been fixed but we think we’re empowering ourselves and forget under the crap we had our person and it could have been sorted together

Thanks for replying @stayathomer - not sure on my skills etc anymore but I'm happy to explore and just get out there and do something, I'm pretty sure I've got some sort of transferable skills.

I get what you mean about holiday tensions etc being a thing - someone said to me that if I was the main character in a film what would people be screaming at me right now? Such a good question to ask.

Bottom line: We aren't compatible any longer. We don't hold the same values. There's been a strong evolving shift in my mindset since the beginning of the year and it seems that as each week passes I see more and more clearly; doest "care" (quite probably never has really, I'm a quite particlar convenience that's all) and I don't like that/them/how that makes me & my young adult feel.

Are you married?
You are in a much stronger position if you are.

OP said divorce in her thread title so I would assume so

Is your DH the young adult's father?

It happens once we see we can't ever unsee. Good luck OP, I really like what you wrote about being the main character what would everyone be screaming at you.