Can my ex refuse to have our son to prevent me going on holiday?

[Mum1361]

My ex says he will not have our 2 year old for a week in September to allow me to take my older son to Disney world in Florida. When the trip was booked we were still together so it was going to be a family holiday. My older son was so excited and I didn’t want to let him down so I want to go alone with him. I don’t think I could manage him and the 2 year old on my own and I have no one who can come with me so I asked the ex if he would have our son to allow me to still go and he said no and that he will make sure I can’t go without the 2 year old as he thinks it’s not fair on our son. Can he do this? We have 50:50 parental responsibility. I don’t have anyone else who could have the two year old that week. My reasoning was that he’s too young to understand and can’t go on most rides anyway but I would take him on his own when he is old enough. Ex still says no and that I can’t go unless I take both kids. What am I to do?

There's lots of nanny's who are available to help in Disney world! I see them on tiktok/ Instagram all the time. They will watch your child (obviously costs money though) and they're based in Florida already.

Take the 2 year old, you'll.manage if push comes to shove.

I agree. Can you really not take both?

I would take both.

If he’s playing silly buggers about the contact now, it’s going to ruin the holiday whether you take ds2 or not in the end.

Sit down quietly on your own and make a plan for how you will manage it. I’d suggest something like one day in a park with both kids, one day on your own with ds1 and ds2 with nanny, one day in the hotel pool chilling and then repeat.

There's no such thing as 50% parental responsibility but yes he can refuse.

Tbh though, I'd say this is the least of your worries.

How old is older dc?

How does it work the other way when a dad has his son every weekend. He works full time Mon to Friday and spends every weekend with his son willingly. The mum wants to go away for the week but doesn't want to take the son, and the dad has no annual leave to take and tells her this, she drops him at his dad's on Friday and when the dad drops him back Sunday evening she's not there and has gone away on holiday, where does the dad stand ?

You have 50/50 custody.

Reschedule the trip making sure that you go on your ex’s parenting time so he has residency of your two year old for that week.

Don’t tell him you’ve rescheduled.

What an awful man he is.

How old is your older one? The problem is if he needs to be accompanied onto rides by an adult (and also presumably he'd prefer you to do at least some rides with him rather than all by himself).

I'd take the 2yo, claim CM through the CMS and use the money to pay for babysitting for a few hours a day at Disney so you can do at least some rides with the older one.

This is a test of mental fortitude. You’re on your own now. Take them both and go alone if you can’t find an extra person to join you. May as well get used to it. It will show him and yourself that you can cope without him.

How can she take both though? Apart from the ballache of it, he older son will have to go on all rides by himself. That's miserable

Yeah, even if strictly speaking he's old enough, kids want an adult or a friend on the ride with them. And if the queues are long, he might end up having to queue up by himself as well.

You can get in room babysitting services at Disney - it’s provided by an external company, I would take both and just get a few hours baby sitting so you and your eldest can go and do the bigger rides or you could hire a ‘theme park helper’ (believe kids nite out do these but I’m sure there’s others that will probably do it) who can come with you to the theme park and will be able to stay with the baby while you go on rides with your son and help you out with both children throughout the day. Expensive for sure but not sure what option you have? Unless you rearrange for when your youngest is bigger.

He has PR - you cannot leave the UK with either child without his consent. He cannot do so either without yours.

Go to court.
You need a Live With Order and a Specific Issue Order around the holiday.
Take both children.

Bit of a silly question, if OP had a mum she could call on to help out I doubt she'd have started the thread tbh

First things first. Claim CM.

Every parent has 50% responsibilty, but how often does your shared child stay over night with him? Unless it is 7 nights per fortnight then he owes child support.

Secondly, no you cant force him. But as you are clearly able to deal with the dead beat, be a good mother to your kids and fund a very expensive holiday, I have no doubt that you will find a work around for the holiday.

Agree that you will take them both. My bet is that he will suddenly decide to withdraw his permission to take the youngest out of the country......which means that he HAS to have him for a week if you make it clear that you are not going to cancel the holiday (which is what he really wants).

The oldest is not his.

This!

How old is your older DC? Could you take one of their friends along for the trip too? So then they can go off and go on the rides together and you look after younger DC? might be easier than trying to find another adult and would provide your older dc some company.

I’d call his bluff and ask for permission to take your shared dc out of the country on this holiday. You’ll then see if he was really concerned about your dc being left out of the holiday or just being a complete arse and using it as an excuse to continue to control you:

It means nothing of the sort.

Not giving permission to take the 2yo means nothing other than she can't go at all.

He HAS to have him? Hardly.