Need urgent advice re mediation vs court for financial settlement

[sailawayonaraft]

My partner is having trouble accepting the marriage is over despite me filing for divorce over a year ago. They are doing everything they can to stall. The current situation is a “MH crisis” out of nowhere. My partner says they don’t want to waste money on court. But at the same time, we are not able to make any progress with Mediation due to them not accepting and creating new dramas all the time.

I have spoken to my lawyer who advises that I should apply to court. He has sent a letter to engage him for this and an invoice for over £3k.

My feeling is that it will take the start of court proceedings to force this person to negotiate in Mediation. I really don’t think they want to deal with court all the way. I had thought that it might be possible to just apply for a court hearing, as in “start the ball rolling” and that I could pay just for him to do that. But he says if I go court route, we have to do the whole process and I have to pay up front . Can anyone help me understand this please?

No advice, but watching because I'm in a similar situation (just posted a similar thread). You have my heartfelt sympathy x

Thank you. I’m hoping someone can advise

Hi
i I don’t know for sure. Perhaps post in legal matters section where there are some experienced family lawyers.

i thought you could stop at any time as even when if gets to court they will still try to get you to reach agreement so it doesn’t go to final hearing,

It's the hard way or the easy way. If he won't engage it's expensive. The only peace you have is his legal bills will be the same as yours and he can settle at any point if he wants to .

Sorry you are going through this. So you did the initial application? I think the other party is then meant to do an acknowledgement etc? Or is it the financial negotiations where your ex is stalling?

Your hand is being forced because your XH is refusing to be reasonable and will not co-operate. So court is your only option in this case. I would instruct your solicitor to send a letter saying that if you are forced to attend court due to his refusal to engage, you will be seeking an order for costs.

OP - by "him" and "paying upfront" - do you mean your solicitor wants you to pay upfront for filing in a court - including pre-payment ?
I'd not do that atm.

Depending on the complexity of your case/financials - you can try to self represent. And/or do it much cheaper by using a direct access barrister.

Lodging a court application is not complicated. If solicitor does not want to do it - do it yourself. Your H does seem that he'll be dragging feet until something changes - and court application may be the kick he needs.

Why don't you do a private financial dispute resolution

@Unexpectedlysinglemum
what If the other party doesn’t engage , can a private financial dispute resolution force them to come to an outcome?

Are there any kids involved?

It looks like the court is the only option to get things moving.

£3K for the consultation and sending a letter?
Did you disclose all your assets, i.e your current financial position to the lawyer during the consultation?

Your ex is a fool.. He is going to drag you both down financially...

It’s 3k for:

(a) giving advice on financial proceedings;
(b) taking your instructions
(c) dealing with all matters in connection with the application for ancillary relief up to the first
hearing: drafting, serving and filing forms A (start proceedings) and E (all your financial
information), questionnaire, statement of issues, chronology and Form H.

Sounds about right, depending the law firm.

Hopefully this will put some sense into your ex, unlike my ex.

If you are still amicable, you might want to bring it to his attention the amount you both will end up spending and making the lawyers rich in the process.

Also highlight the fact that the solicitors will charge for receiving / making calls and receiving / sending letters.

Are there any children involved?

You could try messaging
him this link https://resolution.org.uk/looking-for-help/splitting-up/your-process-options-for-divorce-and-dissolution/ and asking him to let you know his preferred option(s) for dispute resolution by X date otherwise you will be forced to apply to court which he will likely find the most expensive and least flexible option. Good luck.

Yes there are children under 16 involved

I am assuming that you must have or planning on having some sort of shared care/custody for the children and in your original post you mentioned about your ex's "MH crisis".

I would calmly ask your ex how would he take care of the children when they are in his custody if he is suffering from MH crisis.

If he loves his children then hopefully that should get him moving.

I personally wouldn't sign any shared care agreement for the children citing his MH crisis until this is resolved.

Thanks this is useful

That's actually not that expensive if it covers all that.

@sailawayonaraft did you manage to make any progress?