I have reached the conclusion that my marriage needs to end. Together 15 years, married 6, 2 young children (4 and 8 months), 2 elderly dogs. We own our house with a sizeable mortgage left. Our relationship has always been a bit up and down but in the last 12 months I have come to accept I deserve a lot more than this. In hindsight I probably should have walked away a long time ago but what’s done is done now.
The problem is, I’m stuck on a practical level. H will not want the dogs, nor could he manage them with his work hours and I wouldn’t want him to have them due to his behaviour. They are too old to rehome and I couldn’t bear to do this anyway, they are really ‘my’ dogs although we got them during the course of our relationship. One has behaviour issues which we manage well but would be difficult for any regular dog owner to cope with anyway (we have had lots of training to manage her). Although elderly neither are on deaths doors and I will not have them PTS prematurely.
However, I can’t afford a property that would meet the needs of my children and accommodate the dogs unless I move a substantial distance away (we are in a high cost area). I don’t think I could cope with having to rebuild my life again when I and my children are so settled here (including eldest at school). I am going to need all the support I can muster to get through this anyway, the idea of doing it in a new area where I don’t know anyone terrifies me.
We have a reasonable equity in the house which would be split, I work full time and earn reasonably well. I don’t have much by way of savings. We have big childcare costs (nursery for 1 and wrap around care for the other). I pay heavily into a pension, H does not. I wouldn’t be eligible for universal credit but do get child benefit and funded childcare hours + tax free childcare.
I am clueless on the practicalities of divorce but am going to start looking at this now. But I’d appreciate ideas/opinions on my situation. I need to leave for myself and my children, I just can’t work out when and how. There isn’t a desperate rush, we aren’t in danger, I just don’t want to be with him anymore and don’t think the environment we create together is healthy for our children to grow up in long term. Please be kind, I’m feeling fragile, but appreciate honest views.