Dogs during separation/divorce

[Lostandtired]

Three weeks ago my husband told me he was leaving me. I was completely blindsided and I am still trying to figure out how I feel.

At the time he told me he would be taking our dog when he moves to his own place and I initially agreed because I was so shocked, even though it was not what I wanted (none of this is what I want).

Since then I have had a bit of time to think and I told him yesterday that the dog would be better off with me. He completely disagrees and is now in a total huff about it because I told him I will not be backing down.

We have an 18 month old child and the dog and our little one have the best bond. They are so sweet together. We got the dog to be a family dog and he absolutely is, he adores his people. Our son will be living with me and I honestly think he would be devastated to not see the dog every day. I work from home 3 days a week so am around more for the dog, I also buy his food and take him for most of his walks. I have more family support too who also adore the dog and are happy to help out when needed. My husband works 7-3:30 Monday to Friday and likes to go out and see friends in the evening and weekends so won’t be around to take the dog out. I asked him what he planned to do about that and he said he would just hire a dog walker.

Has anyone had any experience with resolving disputes over pets during a divorce? I’d rather not have to go to court about it because that seems ridiculous but we are both convinced we are right and neither of us is willing to back down.

We got the dog together as a puppy 2 years ago. I mostly paid for him but he is currently registered in my husbands name and he is registered under his name at the vet so unsure how it would go at court anyway.

I can’t bear the thought of my happy, sociable, loving puppy sitting in a house somewhere by himself for most of every day when he could be with me and my wee one instead.

The dog goes with the child, so child and dog go with whichever parent! I know people who do this

I haven't done this so I don't know if there's law around this, but I think you're right. Perhaps the dog should be treated as another child; when the father is looking after your son, he should take the dog too. Otherwise, when the child is with you, you should have the dog too.

my friend splits the dog with her ex like you would a child which I think is a good idea and fair.

when is he going to see your dc? Can the dog be viewed as the child dog and just go with them?

I took the dog. He moaned about it but he was an abusive, violent arsehole and there was simply no way I would leave her to live with him. He threatened court etc but once I actually got away, he would have had to actually DO something to get her back, so he didn’t bother.
Tell him to fuck off. It’s his choice to leave but it’s not his choice to take the dog. The dog stays. He’s welcome to leave.

Your child now has two homes. You need to change your mentality with that regard.

your focus should be on where the dog will be best suited to live. That is obviously a point in favor of the dog living in your home.

However, the separation agreement is going to determine your financial future and the security of your son. You need to pick your battles. Spending practical and mental resources arguing over a dog is going to prevent you from spending those resources arguing over other matters. Is the dog really more important than the financial split, or who decides where your son goes to school?

It’s simply not fair on the dog to be ripped from its home, family and bonds to spend most if its time alone in a house! So so cruel. I would not allow this ! You are right to tell your ex it’s not up for negotiation

the digs stats either it’s companionship and child. End of

The dog stays !

I have already told him I am happy for him to take the dog when he takes our son, or if he would like the take the dog away for the day to go on a longer walk etc. I would never stop him from seeing the dog in the same way I would never stop him from seeing our son. I am trying to work out the best for everyone here. I think he is only thinking about what he wants, rather than the happiness of our child (and the dog).

For the time being he will not be taking our son overnight. He has never got up with him overnight since he was born (apparently doesn’t hear him) and has only ever done night routine once or twice and found it too difficult so he has agreed that he will instead take him for days out and visit him some evenings. That will obviously change as our son gets older.

Just to add, he doesn’t agree that the dog should essentially be our son’s dog and split time between us the same way the wee one will. He wants the dog permanently but said he would ‘let me see him sometimes’. He won’t talk to me about it and storms off whenever I mention it. He said he doesn’t have the funds to fight in court about it so I should just ‘do what I want’ as if I’ve caused any of this or as if I’m being unreasonable. He’s not interacted with the dog at all today, the poor dog doesn’t understand what’s going on. He doesn’t seem to see that I am not taking the dog from him or trying to be difficult, I’m just trying to work my way through this.

I am so exhausted.

Save your energy for yourself. He already says he doesn’t have the funds to fight this in court. Unlucky for him. Keep the dog, ignore his trantrums. Funnily enough, he’s not always going to get what he wants. I am sure he will get the hang of it!!

Unfortunately pets are a huge ‘grey area’ when it comes to the law/judge’s opinion. Look up FI v DO case law for the latest legal ruling. Hopefully he won’t bother when he realises it will cost him a lot of money to fight you and the actually reality of having to look after a pet/costs of hiring dog walkers etc will interfere with his new single life. I understand what a worry is tho, on top of everything else.

I share a dog with my husband who fucked off at Christmas. Plus sides are he has her when I want to go away at weekend and when I’ve got a full day in office, negative side he’s always on my doorstep to pick up / drop the dog off. Maybe you could agree he has the dog one day a week and/or when he has your son? I said yes to pick my battles tbh but there’s no way I’d agree to what your husband wants - he’s chosen to leave. There are consequences.

Make sure all microchip and vet details are in your name.

my son and the dog go backwards and forwards between the 2 houses as a pair. It narks me a bit because I pay everything towards the dog - insurance, vets, medicine etc... my ex pays nothing.