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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Settlement offer from high earning stbx

56 replies

Twinklestar80 · 14/06/2025 12:49

I’m a stay at home parent with a 5yr old and 19month old. We are in the process of divorcing and my wife is a high earner with £200k per year. My income when working full time was £35k. She has in excess of £2million inheritance assets in the US (where she’s from) and we have £350k equity in our £1.1m house and circa £50k savings.

We’re in mediation at the moment and I’ve asked for £700k to house myself and the children as I will have them 5 days per week (we live in London and average price of semi in 2024 was £670k.) I have paid for a mortgage capacity report and there is only one lender willing to consider me but even then, the monthly payments are far to high and I wouldn’t be able to cover them along with all the other bills.

My soon to be ex has offered £450k and expects me to top up to £600k (she thinks that’s a reasonable house price in the area) with a mortgage. She wants to stay in the £1.1m family home as she doesn’t think she should have to ‘downgrade’ to a £600k house. I have no income and haven’t worked for five years. I’m hoping to retrain in the next couple of years as a teacher and take a marketing job in the meantime but even then, only one lender is willing to give me a mortgage and the payments are still too high.

I’ve got a solicitor who is offering adhoc advice but I’m dreading our next mediation session as my wife just doesn’t believe my lack of mortgage capacity and expects me to live on universal credit. Her attitude is that because I called time on the relationship, I should have to live with the consequences. That would be fine, if we didn’t have two young children. We’re also still living together as she refuses to move out and I can’t afford it . I am feeling totally stuck and pressured into this offer.

OP posts:

Coolio900 · 16/06/2025 03:56

TizerorFizz · 16/06/2025 00:37

@CaptainFuture Do you think the only contribution to a family is money earned? I gave up a decent career because DH ran a successful business and earned 10 times more than me. The business also mattered because it employed over 100 people and they mattered.

However, apart from mowing the grass, and a bit of DIY, I did more or less everything else. My earnings and pension were compromised by taking this decision. I found working and doing everything else a thankless task so decided it wasn’t worth it and concentrated on dc and home - but I bloody worked hard! I had also worked for 22 years before giving up. Yes I did earn my 50% had we split up. Highly paid people rarely do much else besides work. Who supports them? People like me but we work hard too.

It's debatable you deserve half, your dh earned ten times as much as you did by yourself. So you massively benefit from his career and the stuff you did at home is not as valuable in monetary terms.
But ok half of marital assets is ok with me.

However, OP wants wayyy more than half of the marital assets.

GeneralPeter · 16/06/2025 04:21

FlowerWrath · 14/06/2025 19:07

You have sacrificed YOUR career for HER gain. 50/50 should be the BARE MINIMUM.

Unfortunately, as MN believes you to be a man they will be unable to give impartial advice. To see real advice, I suggest you go read other threads on the topic. Stay strong.

Man here. 50% of career savings I can just about see the moral case for. But 50% of her inheritance too, what’s the moral case for that? That’s not a result of anything OP has sacrificed for.

Also why at least 50%? Is it because OP needs the support more? Even though OP has that now and is walking out on it.

Ponderingwindow · 16/06/2025 05:11

You don’t mention pensions. Those should be included in marital assets.

you may be better off financially if your ex had more parenting time. Your biggest expense is going to be childcare. If your ex has the children on working days that makes your ex responsible for childcare on those days. Only parenting on weekends frees the NRP of the biggest expense of parenting.

millymollymoomoo · 16/06/2025 07:20

@FlowerWrath op hasn’t sacrificed anything . She never had a career or high earnings and could work full time now on similar money or same to what she used to do justc5 years ago! She’s benefited massively financially walking away with seats she’d never have acquired without her ex! That’s not sacrificing at all and it’s disingenuous to suggest her ex could not earn high figures without her - because quite frankly that’s nonsense.

however,, unfortunately for her ex the law is very much stacked against high earners so no doubt op will get far more than she should. The question remains whether the Inheritance is in the pot or not. And that’s for her lawyer to determine

arethereanyleftatall · 16/06/2025 07:49

I think it’s morally wrong to expect any penny of your exes inheritance.

TizerorFizz · 16/06/2025 10:02

This is a short relationship and 50:60 might not be appropriate. Where women haven’t had the opportunity to continue with their career and the DH (or DW) has totally been able to forge ahead with theirs because the spouse has supported them, there is a monetary value attached to that. It’s clear in divorce settlements that assets and money are shared in long term relationships. After many years it’s going to be 50:50. After a short period, it’s not because the OP here can work and support herself in the future. That’s what she needs to concentrate on and move to where the money buys a better house.

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