Baby custody agreements

[Hello1989]

Hi all
wanted to see anyone’s experience with separation of a 14 month old baby. I am her primary carer and a stay at home mum although I do get a salary from my husbands company every month.
we are trialing a separation, he has severe mental health issues (diagnosed twice with mania and adhd potential bipolar ) anger management weed addiction but has now managed to get medical marajuana, by his own admittance is the only way he can stay calm. I am really hopeful he gets the help he needs but what we work it out we need to arrange a way for him to see our daughter but I am worried about how forgetful the weed makes him (like strapping into car seat etc)

my thoughts were 2 hours on a Monday before work, Wednesday afternoons and a half day on a Saturday. No overnights until he’s off the drugs. I have no idea what to suggest if I go for more will this impact custody agreements later down the line if we do divorce? Or should I keep it less. She is very attached to me and loved her dad but he openly admits he can’t hear her wake up on baby monitor etc
let me know your thoughts he keeps threatening 50/50 custody but I have so much proof I hope he wouldn’t get it if it does come to that

I wouldn't let him have her at all to be honest and I'd wait for him to take me to court. He's a risk to your child's safety

I would suggest he has supervised access until she is older given his medical history. So a couple of hours in a contact centre twice a week to start off with. It’s important that your DD spends time with her father, but it’s also important that shes safe.

This is my view.

He should certainly see her but not alone till he’s off everything - can you have him come to yours for a few hours twice a week?

Well usually I’d say no reason to not have overnights etc even at that age but in this case I’d be saying no unsupervised access at all and he’ll need to come to you to see her

his mental health combined with the weed means he’s absolutely not safe to have her unsupervised

you need to stick to this.

if he can demonstrate overtime he’s off the weed and has professional help and support for his health issues that you can work towards an alternative. For now it’s simply a no and he can come to you and that’s it ( or a contact centre if this is not possible)

and don’t be bullied by his threats / they’re empty

Medical marijuana is prescribed in very limited and specific circumstances. Are you sure he has it medically prescribed? Have you seen any medical evidence, as it sounds unlikely to me?

If you're prepared to pay for private prescriptions, it's relatively easy to obtain with online/ telephone consultations.

Then I would want to know whether his psychiatrist advocates for him using cannabis because I think this is highly unlikely and that the cannabis would only exacerbate his already significant issues.

I wouldn't discuss contact until I knew the answer to this question. I wouldn't support unsupervised contact with him anyway as he sounds unwell and unable to prioritise your child and their safety.

Thank you all for your replies. His psychiatrist referred him but we strongly believe and when I say we his entire family he convinced her it was the only option, we know a doctor friend of his who told us he would have been able to convince her as he can when needed. His family are all very supportive of me luckily and he is staying with them about 10 min drive so I was thinking of using theirs as a contact place. And 100% absolutely unless he is off the weed or if he is on it I have said I want them to be around which everhone has agreed too. These legal weed places are incredible easy literally 30 min consultation, all our family members put in complaints and they deleted the comments!

I would offer 1-2 hours every other day (if it fits around his work) and only at his family's home with someone else there assuming you trust them. Little and often is best with a baby. If he fucks up in any way, reduce it or stop it, depending on what kind of fuck up.

It’s not just the weed

its the bi polar ( what meds is he on ?) and the anger management and the weed
he needs to sort all of these out.

Does anyone know how they view medical marjuana in court if it did come to that?yep, he was on quentiapine for about two weeks but stopped it and then elvanse and an anti depressant as well, he’s still on the anti d stopped the other two and has replaced with the medical weed. The bi polar is suspected but he hasn’t done the test yet but I am hopeful he will do it next week as the doctors think he may have it. He has been so cruel so I have him blocked on everything but I still hold hope the old him will come back but it’s looking unlikely. Thanks for your advice I think I will keep to his parents house visits and do every other day as that should fit in his work or three times a week. He adores her and does manage to be calm and in the moment with her thank god.

DD's dad had similar issues (not bipolar but other mental health issues) and also, somehow, got a weed prescription (which I found out when he accidentally left his entire prescription in DD's bag when he dropped her back after his visit time) and the weed caused his mental health issues to get much much worse, to the point that he was kept on a psych ward against his will for 3 months (the max allowed in my country) at a time a few times. This was a very scary time and I was worried for her safety whenever he had her until I was able to get sole custody.

I strongly advise offering only supervised visits at this point.

Thank you for your comment natsku not sure where you are based in the world I am in the Uk. I keep hearing about shared custody agreements where mental health and weed isn’t taken into consideration so I’m really starting to worry now. Think it’s time I spent some money on legal advice but if anyone has direct experience in Uk please let me know

Yeah not in the UK but tbh his poor mental health wasn't even grounds for sole custody (though it was grounds for the social workers to suggest supervised visits only even though it was against the court order), it wasn't until he refused medical consent for her that the court took things seriously. His use of weed was ignored, even when I reported to the police that he was driving under the influence with DD in the car. I would keep written records of anything concerning that he says or does, and keep visits at his parents house.

OP your ex has unstable serious mental illness. Just be sensible and ensure the safety of your little one. I don't think you should get caught up in worrying about worst case scenarios if you end up in court.

If the marijuana is prescribed I don't think you can deny him overnights because of it.

If he has mental health issues that prevent him being a safe carer then that should be the focus.

You’re in the UK

but I have just posted on your thread and you’re in Spain

He really shouldn’t be on ADHD meds if he has bipolar as it can trigger psychosis. Especially if he abuses it. And especially if he’s also taking weed. This is a recipe for disaster and he shouldn’t be having unsupervised time with your child. You can stop unsupervised visits due to safeguarding concerns and it would then be up to him to take you to court.