Partner giving ick don't know if I can afford to leave. Tenants in common help

[Whippetlovely]

So been together 20plus years. Give me ick can't kiss him can't get past this. He's not a bad person at all, good provider ect. I just feel trapped. We are tenants in common have a lot of equity. If I stay here I can just about afford with UC top ups but I would owe him half the equity about 120k.i have - 2k! Are there circumstances where we could agree I stay but pay him the 120k at a later date say ten years when kids are older. If we sold I would never get a home with my earnings. Or perhaps I could say don't pay any maintenance. He earns well could afford a place on his own. We are not married. His mum has recently passed so this is not good timing. I really don't know what to do! I dont want to waste our lives when I know I can't have sex with him anymore its not fair on him. If I remortgage we owe about 60 but then I'd owe 180 the mortgage wouldn't give me that on 20k earnings. I work tto part time so I can pick the children up and be there for them. If I work more I have no one for child care my mum lives further away. My child is also recovering from an Ed so I need to be around after school. I don't know what to do to ensure I have a home for my children but don't want to not give him what is owed as he's done nothing wrong and has paid most of the bills whilst I've worked part time and fe it's not fair. Please help.

In some cases you can apply to stay until the youngest child reaches 18 but I never ever would have been financial linked to my ex for years and years. Impossible to move on

The thing is you do have the resources to house your children because you would have £120k if you sold. You don’t want to spend that on a home for your children because it would mean renting and loss of benefits. It is your decision and preference to have that money as equity invested in a home. But you cannot ask other people to pay for that which you would be doing by not releasing your ex’s share of the equity. A court is likely to conclude the same.

Very few people can buy a home on a salary of £20k. I imagine it close to none. If you want to own a home you will need to increase your income and salary. If you can’t do that then you rent. There are lots of people in the same boat.

The issue is not that you can’t leave it is that you want to own a house on a low salary. You could rent a home for your children with 120k.

Agree with pp

you’re not married so a mesher order ( where you get to remain for a period of time and defer his share) is not applicable

of course he might agree to it - but if he doesn’t ( and he’s unlikely to with good reason) then you’re going to have to find the money or sell.

if he pushed it to court they’d most likely agree the sake because you could use your equity to house yourself by renting

it is not fair you expect his capital to be tied up for a decade while you get sole benefit if it’s use.

It’s also not fair the OP has less money because she does the bulk of the child care

how old are the kids?

to be honest I’d be inclined to just bumble along until they are old enough to move out

What is the ick and the reason behind it - why not work on the relationship?

How old are the children?

Forgive if this is over stepping, but might you be peri menopausal? I think the ick is a really common thing. You said he's a good man so it sounds like it's worth trying to make it work?

If you got a Mesher Order (right to give him his equity later) then you’d have to pay the mortgage on your own and you’d owe him 50% of the equity when the youngest is 18 and not the equity today. (I’m assuming that you own the house 50/50) Can you afford the mortgage and to buy a house at that date or will the problem be worse because house prices will have risen more than your wages so it will be harder to get a house? Even kids who go to uni need a place for the holidays and often can’t afford rent or to move out straight after graduation.

The above is hypothetical as Mesher Orders were for married couples and courts prefer a clean break.

Her issue is low earnings. She needs to address that herself. It is not an inevitable circumstance of motherhood as many people mitigate against it cos divorce and separation are commonplace.

She is dependent on this man to provide home ownership. She doesn’t get out of that problem by doubling down on it. The older she gets the worse it becomes.

The fact remains that with 120k she can leave him and house her children. She just can’t own a home.

Op cannot get a mesher order as she is not married

Kids 6 and 14. Peri menopause I've not considered that. I have been feeling tired lately and no patience. Is it common to go off sex? I can't remember the last time we went out just us so maybe we need to try and reignite some spark and make some effort before anything drastic. Also had the stress of an sick child. I think any seperation could flare up her Ed again and I want to avoid that at all costs. I need to sit down and discuss with him as there are definitely things we can improve.