Hand hold

[Paintandpots]

Husband decided to seperate/ live seperately today. This will lead to a divorce further down ì think as we are just too different. I have 2 small DC and and i keep thinking if damit couldn't i just change myself entirely or more for my husband? To save them from growing up in a broken family situation which they don't deserve. Why couldn't i just survive and live with what i had?

Will this feeling go away soon? When will i just be over it and be able to just move on emotionally? Why is it such a lonely position to be in? I come from a pretty messed up family home and i wonder if the cycle will end with me or if my children will also suffer the consequences.

I just can't believe it still. But i think my brain is saying it is for the best. No one should be treated this way. I would totally be furious if my male relatives/ family members did this to their respective wife.

I just need a hand hold i think. Someone to say things will get better once I've settled out of our current family home.
And advice... how to stay calm and sane and just let go of my emotions?

Also thinking what to do about living situation, move back to home city or stay where me and my kids are? For me better to go back to home city. I miss it anyway and where we are now just brings up memories of fiddly times and well now.

For kids maybe better to stay where we are short term?

I’m so sorry this has happened to you and your family. How old are your children? I think it is probably easier on younger children to move to a different area. But if you, and therefore them, will be able to manage this better with more support around you then moving is the best thing to do regardless of their age. But would your husband agree to that?

Thankyou @Lurkingandlearning for replying

DS1 is 4 and DS2 is 2 in August.
Husband has said he will be ok with me moving to my homecity or staying in the city we moved to when DS1 was 6 months old.
My only issue is that I cannot tell my parents what is happening or let them know anything is wrong, as my father will not support me at all and will likely turn verbally abusive about the whole situation. If i tell my mum she will likely tell my father. They live in my homecity.
My brother and some cousins live in homecity too, they can't really help me with anything other then to visit and say hello and maybe offer advice.
Childcare will be my total responciblity and i need to sort this out before i consider going back to work as supply teacher (need to look for full time teaching positions too).

Husband works during week and likely cannot take time off to take care of children as things financially are tight for us.
It is already middle of June and i suspect there may not be that much work right now in supply...

I think i need to focus on what i need to do for myself and children because it keeps my emotions in check a bIt and they have already seen me cry too much.

I just wish i could talk to my brother but I'm scared about what he will say too. At least he can advise on nurseries and schools and areas to live in that are ok, but he is busy enough with his own family and stresses.

I'm going out of my mind with worry now. There is just so much to think about and organise.