My husband is extremely upset because I stopped breastfeeding without informing him

[Newmind]

So we have 2 children. The first 1 i couldn't breastfeeding because she was in neonatal until for 9 dqysb after she was born. Our 2nd baby i breastfed for about 4 months, but she always had formula feed after because she was not getting enough milk from me. So my husband went away when the baby was about 8 weeks old because his mother was not well. I understood and supported him as I should. I stayed home with the kids 1 at school and baby at home, no support from anyone for over 2 months i managed alone. Once I couldn't manage breastfeeding and bottle feeding plus sorting my 1st child out i stopped breastfeeding without telling before hand.while he was still away. He was upset about it. and 2 plus years still brings it up and makes seems like I did such a horrific thing. Same as when I asked him to wash dishes more than 10 yrs after his mum first visited us. I came from night shift cleaned,did the shopping and cooked and also picked up and dropped off our guest. After all that I was tired and cranky so I asked him to do dishes maybe in not the nicest way but to this day he still brings it up. Another recent my sister did said awful thing about him which was not true. I told her so we haven't spoken in nearly 4 yrs. He was angry about it, i asked lets solve but no he didn't want to. But for 4 yrs we can't have a chat or argument him bringing it up and all this time I felt ashamed and guilty for something I had nothing to do with and that I condemned. And almost overnight he doesn't want 3rd baby just like that and also wants us to live in separate countries, me and kids abroad, him working in the uk for about 6 yrs orso if I don't agree we get divorced, no matter how I feel about it . No we are getting divorced and those are the things that he brings everytime I want talk to him about moving forward work things out during our separation. Bear in mind I financially supported our family for more 5 yrs alone, did everything in the home. Am I really that bad? Sorry for the rant , please share your opinions i can't talk to anyone about this, I'm too ashamed about this situation

Can I ask if you’re British. Because his values are very mysongynistic

I'm not British but I have been here for 20+ yrs I do identify with British culture as well as my own. I'm 38 been here since I was 17. He had been her 10 yrs.

He left you alone with a newborn and a young child for two months? Did I read that right?

Awful that his mother was ill, but you were alone during a really difficult phase of a baby’s life and he’s judging you for stopping breastfeeding? What a dick.

Apart from anything else he has no opinion unless he can also take a turn in breastfeeding.

He wants you and his children to move abroad, am I reading that correctly?

If you’ve been here 20 years, do you have the right to remain without him? I’d be looking into that pretty quickly. Then he can’t make you move if you don’t want to - it sounds like you are perfectly capable of supporting yourself and your family without him, anyway.

Would you say there’s a difference in your cultural beliefs?

We are from same country grew up in different places, in the past i felt that we were of similar mind. But over the last 4 yrs it's like he is a different person.But I am starting to think this is j about controlling me. I do find this situation quite absurd hence why I am posting about it.

Yes I do. I brought him here. Now he is living the life I used to live free and financially stable.

Clearly he needs to be in control and quite honestly sounds like he’s just really insecure. You’ve said he doesn’t like having progressive convos and just brings up the past- honestly hun, just leave him and continue with your life. Doesn’t sound like he adds much value to it. You’ve wasted FAR too many years of your life supporting him and for what? He doesn’t have an ounce of gratitude- I know it’s difficult on the kids but you and your happiness matter too and they will be so much happier with a happy mum x- I hope you find a solution which works for you x

The examples you wrote here show him as immature, spoilt and spiteful. I'm happy for you that you are getting a divorce from this mamma's boy. I hope you have supportive people near you.

Just divorce him. He sounds awful. You will be so much better off without him. He doesn’t love you and your children, he never will. Grow some balls and see him for what he really is.

He’s not upset because of either of these things, he’s upset because you didn’t do as you were told/you defied him

he’s a fucking arsehole, leave him

Oh @Newmind - you are not the issue - he is.
He is treating you appallingly. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Where do you want to live?
I feel like he is desperately trying to grasp onto something and make it a massive issue.
Do you have any support or a friend / family member / medical professional you can talk to?

I want to stay in the UK its my home now. I'm don't have close relationship with my family. They can help with the kids but not much emotional support, partially our culture and the effect of my marriage over the years . I going to therapy soon. I feel that I need someone I can talk to freely. Thank you for your message. Much appreciated

I hope you get help and resolution with this. Your husband sounds petty, spiteful and immature. Upset about you stopping breastfeeding, for two years? Not doing the washing up?. Going on about something your sister said for years ago? wow.