Telling children separating

[beanlowe]

My husband and I have been waiting until after GCSEs, prom and a school trip to France to tell our children we are separating. Our 16 yo daughter is starting to notice how bad things are and how he is never home. I am considering telling her before our 13 yo son as he’s got a residential in a few weeks. Has anyone told each child separately and how was it received being separate?

I don't think you can put that burden on your daughter, to keep such a huge secret and hide her emotions around her brother.
There will always be something, is the school trip important? He can still go, knowing his parents are divorcing.

You absolutely cannot tell her this and then say, oh don't tell your brother!! You'd only be telling her to make it easier for you and that's incredibly unfair.

Agreed with the PP. Your daughter should be able to freely express her emotions, ask questions etc about the divorce without having to tip toe around her brother, and if she was to accidentally slip up she would feel very bad and I imagine DS would feel sad and confused that everyone else knew before him, even though your intentions are to protect him.

There will never to a right time for a conversation like that but if your daughter is sensing something is wrong, your son probably is too. So I’d have that conversation sooner rather than later

When my parents separated the biggest comfort was speaking to my siblings because you are going through it with them. I think it's unfair to tell your daughter if she's unable to discuss it with her brother.
You say it's a few weeks until your son's trip I would probably tell him now, he has a bit of time to come to terms with it before he goes.

I think you need to stop delaying and just tell them both. Your DD already suspects something is wrong and probably your DS does too. There’ll never be the ‘right’ time.

Yeh the siblings are likely to pull together as they are in the same situation, i know my friend and her bother did. I would advise doing it at the same time or you'll be adding another burden to one by having to keep it a secret when already faced wjth some challenging news.