So confused…sorry for another post

[Chimpannazee]

Hi everyone,
as you can probably tell I’m finding things hard at the moment. 5 months into separation and have recently 2 weeks ago moved into a rental to get away from the way things have been.
long story short. I had a dreadful time when I seperated from husband back in February. Ended up with the crisis team due to overwhelming anxiety and my husband just looked at me and said ‘do not expect any pity from me whatsoever’.
I was supposed to tale my daughter to Thailand in April but due to me being so poorly he ended up taking her but because the seat on the plane couldn’t be amended he had to buy a new ticket…which he made me pay for and give him the spending money I had drawn out (£3700 in total). He earns over £190k per year. I earn £30k.
Ive been seeing a counsellor and she has mentioned that there is a lot of emotional abuse and because my mental health has been up and down this has been a weapon to beat me with over the years to the point where I just feel that everything is my fault.
Fast forward to now and I have been in my house for two weeks. My husband has suddenly turned around and is being quite nice to me..,and in all honestly I think it’s made me bad. I’ve had thoughts that I shouldn’t have left, even though deep down I know I’ve done the right thing. I just feel so confused by everything since seeing him last week I just don’t know whether I’m coming or going!
please can anyone just give me a bit of a hand hold…I need to remember the way I have felt over the years (12 years married..8 of not feeling happy). I hated him when he had a drink, he would be vile to me and then if I stood up to him the next day and told him he had hurt me it would be turned around and I’d be told I had ruined the night, I need to tell my daughter that we are splitting etc etc. I think I’m a shell of myself in all honesty.
Just need a cuddle and reassured that leaving has been the right thing and that everything will be ok x

Bless you, you did the right thing and him being nice is another tactic I am sure. Emotional abuse unfortunately doesn't just stop. I'm going through the same thing. Do not feel bad and remember those hard times as thinking of the good times will make you question your decision. There will be times later down the line where you will think of the good times and that will make you happy and that's fine but now don't confuse good memories with a good relationship

Stay strong you have got this 💖

Thankyou for this. I don’t even know if he is even aware of how he is half the time. I’ve just been left emotionally battered and just very confused and unsure of myself. Surely it can’t always have been me 😥

i have had friends hear him and they have said that he is manipulative but in a nice way. Which makes it even harder thinking it might just be me being overly sensitive 😥 gosh I feel sad and so fearful of the future. Tell me it gets easier xxx

I'm only 5 months in myself but it does get better my STBXH moved on so quickly with everything and I have had to be strong very quickly but has made me realise I do not want him back. You're friends see it for what it is because they are outside of it, you don't realise when you are in the thick of it.
I hope you have a good support network with friends and family as that made it so much easier for me. X

Handhold here from someone well down the line. You have done the right thing and it does get better. Hang on in there, work on your strength, and focus on the joy of living in your own place without him.

If at all possible don't let him over the threshold.

I have been told not to let him in. I’m a reiki therapist and firmly believe in toxic energy and I don’t want him coming in and making me feel even more fragile. Thankyou for helping me to believe that it isn’t just me xxx