Advice on my situation please...

[MaeDae]

Can anyone tell me if it's an IFA or a divorce lawyer who I need to seek advice from in my situation:

DH and I are directors of a company we have struggled to grow. We sell a great product but don't have the huge funds we need to market it properly. In the meantime, I've been keeping it afloat financially. We have both worked on it full time initially living off rental income from a property I owned. I eventually sold the property and as unbelievable as it sounds, I have been financing our lives for the past two years at least.

The thing is, DH owns a property that he's been renting out and is now putting on the market to sell. He has a massive mortgage on it that his rent has mostly covered. However, during the months it's been empty, I've had to cover his mortgage. When he eventually sells his property, I want a proportion of the proceeds of his sale to balance out what I've been putting towards our family and everything.

Most importantly, when we do purchase our family home in future, I want to have more of a beneficial interest or ownership of the property. As a married couple, I don't know if this is enforceable given the default 50/50 family courts apply to married couples.

As you can see, I need to speak to a professional to figure out how much we have both contributed financially (him very little) and going forward, where I stand in this situation and what rights and options I have (or don't have). I would like him to sign something where he agrees to either pay me back (if we don't purchase a family home) or agrees to relinquish a proportion of his ownership (if we do buy a property together).

As it stands, all the stress is on me to support our family and it is completely affecting me in all areas. I'm edging into perimenopause so I don't feel like even half the woman I usually am to be able to put my best self forward to deal with all of this mentally and physically.

Currently, I am in no debt on paper. However, DH has his mortgage and his rental property's bills to pay which he can't afford so I pay them. So in some ways I am in debt. All I see is that his assets (e.g property) are protected while I am paying for his liabilities (mortgage, CC bills and his property's utility bills and tax).

I am paying for our home, our bills, our DCs' costs, and all of our outgoings. A lot of our monthly bills (groceries, subscriptions and outgoings) are paid on an Amex account in his name but - you guessed it - I pay it every month.

I really need help to get out of this and I want to explore what my options are. I don't want a divorce, but I want clarity on my situation to be able to assess how to proceed.

Do I speak to a divorce lawyer or an IFA (an IFA because I am not actually seeking divorce, but want to explore my options and know where I stand in all of this)?

If anyone can provide advice here or by private message I would be grateful, thank you.

Hmm, is two years covering the outgoings because your DH rental property is making losses really that long a period? Presuming you havent incurred debt doing it, and just haven't had any spare cash for yourself each month, is it worth the potential stress on your relationship, if he is able to sell the property soon and therefore reduce your outgoings?
You both have businesses that incurr risks, would he have done the same for you?

It sounds like you are as a couple slightly financially precarious, but I don't understand your specific concern.

What do you mean by saying his properties are "protected"?

I’d seek a financial advisor first

then a family lawyer to discuss a post nuptial agreement

In case of divorce all assets and liabilities are considered regardless of whose name they’re in or who’s paid what

in the event you are divorcing you really need to sit down together, work out what you’ve got, what you can afford ( jointly) , agree who pays what, set your own boundaries and stick to them

it doesn’t sound like your operating or discussing as a couple at all

Unfortunately OP it’s kind of irrelevant who has paid what or contributed whatever if married - if you divorce, all assets are in the pot and allocated depending on needs to get by based on a 50/50 starting position - however as you are still married and not divorced cash in hand is worth 2 in the bush - so depending what cash you think will be realised from the property sale I would actually be working out what you have spent related strictly on that property and if enough cash is likely to be realised I would have a discussion and say you would like at least 50% of that back that you have spent . In reality I think you should get 100% but that may stir up more shit , so probably better to ask for a compromise. If he won’t do that then ask him to pay down any debts, loans etc or put some cash into the business to at least have a push on it -

Unfortunately what you are seeking to prevent had already happened when you got married. You can try to untangle some of it with a post nuptial agreement but by the sounds of it the ship is out of dock and sailing off. You have spent your capital and savings in pursuit of family life. Which is an integral part of marriage.

You have effectively sunk your family assets into the business. Because you didn’t have enough working capital to pay yourselves a living wage whilst it got established. That is the problem you need to address as a couple and business partners.

You need advice on the business both as a going concern and how it should be run. It isn’t a viable business if the directors have to work for free or very little.

The problem is the business not your husband. It is draining your capital and preventing you both from securing decent incomes.

I haven't covered his rental mortgage and outgoings for the entire period. His repayments were relatively significant to begin with, but since the interest rate hikes, has obviously grown. During weeks/months it is empty, I'm covering his mortgage and bills.

The issue is that he's not great at admin and getting things done. He is very capable and intelligent but, to me, takes ages to get things done. So when it comes to selling 'his' property I deal with it. Also, when it comes to procuring tenants, property listings and drawing up rental contracts or dealing with 'his' property, it's all me; and it's been like this for a few years now. A few years ago, I hadn't sold my property so I was dealing with my personal matters as well.

However, since I've become more frustrated and (admittedly) resentful lately, I have left him to deal with his personal matters and, as expected, it's taken him ages to get anything done. He's had his property on the market since the start of this year and he hasn't been able to sell it due to various reasons (mostly poor choice of agent).

It's been frustrating but I've been supportive emotionally because it's a tough market. Swathes of landlords have sold their BTLs flooding the market so I understand why it's been tough and it's not DH's fault. The stamp duty changes in April meant that since then, demand has taken a hit. It's just tough that we have been trying to sell it for the longest time but for whatever reason (subsidence at the time, and then when that was all sorted 18-24 months later, the market tanked) we have been down on our luck.

Not only can he sell his property and reduce outgoings, but he recently had an interview with a large firm. The plan was that he would work a few days a week and the income would support our bills while I would continue to work on our business full time. He was offered the role very quickly, but the admin part took a long time and it eventually didn't work out due to disagreement over contractual terms. So that's been another nail in the coffin.

The other way round, I think our lives would be very different. He is happy to spend very little so if he were the one paying for everything, we'd be buying every store's own brand products and living off cup noodles and porridge or something! I would say that he would do the same for me but the Amex bill would be next to nothing because he would rein in any spending.

My DH is a good, honest man and I love him. I don't want to divorce him. We are just in a bad place right now and as mentioned before, I just want to know where I stand in all this.