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Divorce/separation

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Original poster

How to get through birthdays alone?

11 replies

IsThisLifeNow · 03/06/2025 13:29

What do you do to get through birthdays alone? Today is my first birthday seperated and frankly, its shit. ExH told me was had slept with a man and was gay around 7 weeks ago. We have 2 young DC, 6 and 3.

ExH isn't a complete prick on the birthday front, he helped the kids make birthday cards, baked a birthday cake and helped them buy a box of chocolates each and put up the birthday banners, that's about as much as we'd do when we were together, I'm genuinely not expecting any more from ex, but I just feel so alone.

My parents don't really seem to care. They came over yesterday for a few hours, brought a few basic sandwiches that we ate for lunch then went home before tea. They brought me a card with money in it, and a card from a different family member but that's it. No offer of being taken out for dinner, or getting together at the weekend.

I'm seeing my sibling and their family at the weekend with my kids, no idea of plans yet, but will likely be to to the park or swimming, maybe lunch out. I suggested my parents come along to that but they didn't seem interested. I don't know if I'm expecting too much. I don't have many friends so wouldn't expect anything from them tbh

OP posts:
Fuzzypinetree · 03/06/2025 16:11

I had a long lunch out with friends, which was lovely. But never did much for my birthdays, anyway.
DS wasn't home and ex didn't bother to even have him call me.

mathanxiety · 03/06/2025 16:31

Get yourself a nice cake.
Put up bunting.
Have the children make cards.
Enjoy a little party, blow out candles, big family hug and slices of cake after singing the Happy Birthday song.

It will feel weird but your children will be missing normalcy too, and if you can show them that life goes on despite dad's massive betrayal and the resulting changes in their family life, you'll be teaching them a great lesson in resilience and joy.

So sorry this happened to you, and sorry your parents are so emotionally immature or stunted or incapacitated that they couldn't get their act together for this occasion.

mathanxiety · 03/06/2025 16:32

Or you could even bake a cake with the children - give yourselves permission to have fun and create an occasion without your ex.

BookArt55 · 03/06/2025 20:40

I planned something I want to do, in this case it was to go to a Christmas lights event. This year I won't have the kids on my birthday so I am planning to get a massage, get a takeaway and maybe see a friend. Not looking forward to not having the kids, but we will just celebrate together another day.
It is hard! But this way I actually get what I want, I just need to treat myself like I'm dating me (rather than putting the effort into his birthday 🤣 )

HolidayMojitos · 03/06/2025 20:46

It’s my birthday later this month, the first since my separation. I’m sure my ex will be similar - he’ll get cards and presents from my daughter and would probably even suggest going out somewhere.
But I don’t want to celebrate with him… it’s lovely we’re amicable but there are many reasons we’re not together.
The trouble is, I still don’t have a social life of my own, and if I don’t do something with him, I’ll end up sitting in alone. I don’t know which one makes me more sad and frustrated.

Original poster
IsThisLifeNow · 03/06/2025 21:29

It's been an awful day. The only bright spot has been time with the kids. If I could go to sleep and wake up in 6 months living in a different house divorced and away from exH I'd do it in a heartbeat

OP posts:
Freeflight · 03/06/2025 23:22

@IsThisLifeNow sorry you've had a bad birthday. Days like this are hard and memorable days like Christmas, mother's day.... Are not always great either. I like to think that each one will get a little easier as you remember that you made it through the last.
Everything is still very raw for you at the moment so try and be kind to yourself and do something that might make you smile. Maybe a massage, spa, cinema treat.

I had my first birthday post divorce and in separate houses this year and it was awful. My birthday falls on a particularly loving day of the year and I've always disliked it. This year was extra tough. People tend to forget about it as they are tied up with their own joy. This year was no different. I had some close friends who didn't message and I sat alone at home with a takeaway. But I got through it.

Original poster
IsThisLifeNow · 04/06/2025 10:47

Freeflight · 03/06/2025 23:22

@IsThisLifeNow sorry you've had a bad birthday. Days like this are hard and memorable days like Christmas, mother's day.... Are not always great either. I like to think that each one will get a little easier as you remember that you made it through the last.
Everything is still very raw for you at the moment so try and be kind to yourself and do something that might make you smile. Maybe a massage, spa, cinema treat.

I had my first birthday post divorce and in separate houses this year and it was awful. My birthday falls on a particularly loving day of the year and I've always disliked it. This year was extra tough. People tend to forget about it as they are tied up with their own joy. This year was no different. I had some close friends who didn't message and I sat alone at home with a takeaway. But I got through it.

I am hoping they get better, but at least its over now, and there's another 6 months till Christmas and almost a full year till the next birthday and mothers day.

Thank you for your reply, I'm feeling better from yesterday and in the future I think I'll plan more for particular days, I do better when I'm busier. I'm sorry you have been through this too, and that your birthday falls on that day, that must be rubbish.

Thank you to everyone, I'm generally getting on ok, but yesterday was a big wobble. But onwards and upwards eh, I have a therapy session booked in for next week, probably a good idea

OP posts:
exiledfromcornwall · 21/07/2025 20:26

I constantly fantasise about spending Christmas on my own. I am convinced it would be the best Christmas ever.

BleuBeans · 21/07/2025 20:32

Take the bull by the horns and organise something for your next birthday. Either something great to do with the kids or arrange for them to be with their Dad and you do an awesome activity. Similar with Mothers Day. I realised several years ago that if I wanted to do anything good on those two days, I couldn’t rely on anyone else and I’d need to organise it myself

LavaChickenLava · 22/07/2025 00:24

Doesn’t sound like you spent it alone tbh if you had your kids, I spend every birthday just me and the kids and I never considered I was spending it "alone” also your parents visited and you spent the weekend with your siblings that’s more than a lot of people

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