Can he make me sell the house

[notmoving]

DH recently told me he wanted a divorce and moved out of the family home and he is staying at his mums house. He is putting me under pressure to sell the family home we have lived in for 35 years. I'm devastated and still in shock and can't do it just yet and have asked for a year before we do anything. We have adult DC who don't live locally but do visit a lot and if we sold I'd only be able to buy a flat so they couldn't all stay. What realistically can he do if I refuse. I know he can apply for divorce and get a court order but by the time that all had happened I'd probably be ready for the move.

Let him get the divorce and go to court. Other than that, there is nothing legal he can do. Get a solicitor.

You will need to sell yes, unless you can afford to buy him out. It’s unfortunate, but it’s a joint asset and he needs his share to move on.

Without kids underage living at home it is an asset that you either have to buy him out of or sell. Sorry 😞

How long ago did he move out of the house, OP?
imho, you insisting on one year is too long. You both have to plan for future, no one stays in a loved home forever.

IN reality, you'll probably get one year because there are So Many things you need to do.

Assuming you are in England, you can start the paperwork yourself, and file a notice that you intend to divorce for ... I think the fee is £593 and you both fill out the form yourselves without solicitor if you are amicable. That form is long & you have to agree on it, plus it has a many months cooling off period before you can progress to next round of forms, I think it might be something like 24 weeks. You will start discussing all of the financial split at this point, pensions, assets, valuable objects, savings funds, investment funds, cars, pets, shared obligations if any dependents and ... property.

Most couples squabble so much at this point that they get to the end of cooling off period and STILL haven't agreed on a fair division. Then there are other sequences of paperwork and waiting periods that you have to do before you can get divorced and get to a final consent order which is the penultimate document before you get divorced.

I'd start discussing the forms now. Get it filed before you discuss specific money decisions. Treat the process as a series of hurdles and no point looking beyond the next hurdle each time.

He can force a sale. But it will take a while.

It would take time but yes he could potentially make you sell unless there are other assets that would mean you could keep the house as part of an equitable division of marital assets. You need to get proper advice and ensure you get your proper share of property, savings, pensions etc. If you don’t jointly have much more than the property you wouldn’t want to end up losing a lot of money to legal costs. Can you ask kids/ other family or friends for support in the divorce and helping you find the best property you can? I know people who have sold their houses and moved to flats just to release equity to have a better retirement, help kids and have a ground floor flat with all living space on one floor and easier to keep on top of. They weren’t elderly at the time so did it when physically and mentally fit and don’t regret their decisions.

You sell or you buy him out. 50:50 unless mitigating factors like one of you having hugely downsized careers for kids.

What were you expecting?

This. A court can make you sell the house and share the equity.

Why do you think you should block him from selling something that’s half his? He currently has no home except the one you’re occupying.

You absolutely need to avoid an expensive court battle. It can end up costing tens of thousands and isn’t worth it unless you are high worth individuals or there’s a high value business or other complication involved. You need to see a solicitor and to take with you details of all your joint assets, equity in the house, bank accounts, investments, pensions etc. those assets will need to be divided, and unless you can bargain other assets against his share of the equity or take a mortgage to buy him out you will have to sell.

If you don’t want to sell the house, what are your plans to give him his half of the equity? Can you buy him out ?

Assuming there is no chance of reconciliation, you can fight it every step of the way, but it will still be sold in the end. Or you can get the best pricee for the lowest solicitor fees and find yourself somewhere new. It's not what you expected to be doing at this stage of life, but it is the circumstances you are in now. You can always have family gatherings at restaurants, or air bnb to stay in the same place. My parents have a good size house, but there are still too many kids and grandkids for us all to stay, so we visit for the day. The sooner you start to accept, the better it will be for your next stage of moving on.

Get a VERY good lawyer!!! This will be the best money you ever use

A year is a long time to do nothing - while expecting him to bunk in either his mum while you get to enjoy some use of an asset that’s joint.

im not saying you rush to sell but you should at least get the divorce started along with collating and submitting financial information.

If he has a big pension and you don't you might be able to get a bigger share of the house. But in al likelihood yes, you will need to sell. I'm sorry, I know it's a horrible position to be in.

I’m not refusing to sell, just not yet. We have some savings and I have suggested he uses that to rent for a year. It may be an asset but it’s also my home and one in which I thought I’d be in the rest of my life. He only moved out 2 weeks ago and I’m still in shock. I will take on board everyone’s comments and perhaps see if he will agree to selling early next year as a compromise. We are both retired, equal private pensions (not state pension age just yet), some savings and the house. We don’t really need a solicitor as a simple split once sold.

As far as the house goes, assuming you are joint owners as either joint tenants or tenants in common then one party can apply to force a sale - not that quick, but cannot be stopped as you have no dependent children there.

The only way out, as has been alluded above is to buy him out of his equity share.

You would be best to engage a solicitor to oversee fair play.

On average it takes about 10 months for an application to force a sale to go through to a court hearing, but saying that it can take as little as a month or up to 18 - then you have to go through the actual selling process - so it could comfortably be a year.

Wouldn’t it be better to sell as soon as possible? Otherwise you’re depleting your joint savings. Your home is a joint asset, as well as savings and pensions. Unless you are able to afford the house on your own by buying him out. Would your savings cover that?

Yes it would deplete our joint savings and financially we would both be better off selling quickly. If this was a pure business transaction then we would. However I feel emotionally raw and can’t handle it at the moment. I’m sorry if some people think I’m being unreasonable. I think I can use the fact that it could take a year and be very expensive as part of negotiations and maybe just agree early next year.

It need not be expensive £255 is the basic court fee, with no complexities solicitors fees of say £1k and it could be heard in a months time. If you dragged it out, yes, it could take much longer and cost much more, but that is also eating into your joint assets as that fee has to come from somewhere.

If you can agree a plan amicably that is best, but he might not want to wait, leaving it into next year potentially is pushing selling into a worst time of year to sell.

And whilst I hate to mention it, he may well have other plans he needs the money for - chap in our village recently left his wife, no one else involved, ha, not much there wasn't - he had a new younger model in the wings just as us busybodies suspected.

As I said upthread - starting proceedings and actudlly selling the house are separate. You should at least agree to start proceedings ( he can do a sole application anyway) or start your discuss finances and splits before a year.

he could also decide he doesn’t want to stay with his mum and move back in

The thing is, he's had time to prepare himself for this, he must have known that he was leaving. But for you, it's a massive shock, and very understandable that emotionally you are not up to putting the house on the market just yet. I expect you are feeling very fragile.
Of course you will have to sell in due course, but he is acting in indecent haste. This is not a business transaction, it is your life being pulled from under you, and he must be a cold heated man indeed not to see that. Or he does see it and doesn't care. Why is he in such a hurry to sell? 2 weeks is nothing after 35 years together.
It would take him a year or so to get this to court and an order for sale granted, if not longer, and even then if you wanted to be unco-operative and drag your heels, even difficult about viewings and agents and cleaning and tidying etc, you could be ( although that's not a recommendation). From his point of view, he would be better off waiting and doing it in your timeframe.

Thank you for being so understanding. You put it so well. It’s not about depriving him of his asset or being difficult on purpose. I’m already coming to terms with living alone in my 60s other than the dog. My home is my safe space and my adult dc in their 20s still talk about coming “home” for the weekend. I have lovely neighbours and we help each other out, friends around the corner and lovely walks on my doorstep. My life will be turned upside down. He wants the money to buy or at least rent something other than a one bed flat but he’s going to have to compromise. I will try work it out amicably.