How....

[InventedthePostIt]

Hi

Would love to get some advice and thoughts as I feel so confused. After a lovely day with family yesterday, got kids to bed and went downstairs to sit with husband. He starts somewhat of a petty argument, I decide not to engage as he has form for arguing until he basically wears the other person down. I say I'm going to bed and I can hear him muttering and tells me I'm delusional. He doesn't come to bed and sleeps on the couch.

I come down in the morning expecting an apology but no mention of the argument. When I ask him what he feels happened he sums it up as us both bickering. No apology.

I feel like this is the straw that broke the camels back. After a physical / mental breakdown a few years ago I went through a year of therapy. I feel like I see things differently and am tired of doing all the emotional labor and having to defend myself against whatever is the current minor issue.

But we have been together for 20 years, have two children and in lots of respects have a lovely life. He has done a lot of work on himself in recent years to take on more mental load / responsibility etc...

I feel like I need to leave but have no idea how or were to start.

For the sake of the children of not yourself, then I would end what sounds like a very unhappy family home that’s been like this for years.

Do you work?

Why would you expect an apology? You’ve known him two decades and he sounds like someone who derives pleasure from causing arguments with you and then flouncing… does he generally offer a heartfelt apology? I think not

If he has always been this way then I suspect your breakdown was caused by being with him and your health will dramatically improve once you have separated. Mine did.

I feel like I need to leave but have no idea how or were to start.
Bullet point your needs and break those points down further otherwise it can be overwhelming:

Finances - collect all information, especially paperwork , regarding both wages, savings, investments, pensions, house equity etc.
Check out if you will be entitled to any benefits, even if it's only for childcare or free prescriptions.
Housing - find out value of house and mortgage and work out the equity.
This will give you the idea whether renting or buying outright or small mortgage for yourself is feasible.
Go on rightmove to see what is out there. Tweak your budget, tweak your favoured location, tweak your expectations. Repeatedly.
Solicitor - get a one off consultation to find out your rights. Knowledge is power.

Divorce is in 3 separate parts.
The actual admin side you can do online by yourself for £600. Go to gov.uk site. Do not ask for final consent (decree absolute) until after the financials have been accepted by a judge.
The financials can be done by mutual agreement, mediation, solicitors or court. Try for the first two to reduce costs but you will need a solicitor to draw up the paperwork to get it signed off by a judge.
The third part is about the joint children and where they live and cms etc. This can be done at same time as the financials as they are usually intertwined.

Good luck

Edited for stupid formatting quirks